The Hard Times Of Cody Jackson
by Don'tReadMyStories
Summary: Jackson's father abuses him, and he is bullied at school. He's getting adopted, but will it be final before it's too late? Will Melissa help him cope? Can he find the right time to leave the gang from his old neighborhood? What would happen if he did?
1. My Life As Cody Jackson

I sat next to Melissa and behind Nathan in math class. Both had turned in their test. I hadn't.

My leg jumped up and down and I bit my lip. Maybe I'll just go with the Pick C Method. Have you ever heard of that? When you don't know what the answer is, just pick C. It usually worked in elementary school if I'm remembering correctly.

The next question wasn't multiple choice, which means that I don't have a fourth of a chance to get the answer correct. I really should've studied. I'm most definitely going to fail this one.

"No talking," Mr. Hayes said from his desk. He looked at the two boys, who had stopped whispering to each other. "There are still a few people trying to finish the test."

I glanced around the room and noticed that I was the only one that still had a test on my desk. I put my attention back on it, but sighed and dropped my pencil into my backpack when the bell rang.

Everyone rushed out of the classroom.

"Bye," Melissa and Nathan both said as they exited the room with the rest of the crowd.

I stood and gave my test to the teacher.

"See you later, Cody."

"See ya."

* * *

><p>"Hey, Cody. Come on in."<p>

I stepped over the threshold and immediately took a seat on the couch. "You busy?"

"Not at all."

"Do you mind explaining this math to me?"

Mr. Hayes took a seat next to me on the couch. "Sure."

I pulled my book bag off of my back and searched around for a sheet of paper.

"You should probably get more organized."

"I know. I just haven't gotten around to it."

"You didn't pass your math test today."

"I figured that." I set the paper and pencil onto the coffee table. "I didn't have time to study."

"You've been busy, huh?"

"Yeah."

Mr. Hayes took the paper and pencil. "So you have the problem (7+2i)(4+5i). All you do is~what I call~FOIL."

"What's that?"

"First. Outside. Inside. Last. See? You take the first number in each pair of parentheses, which is seven and four. You multiply those together, which is…?"

"28."

"Right. Then you take the outside numbers in each pair of parentheses, which is 7 and 5i. Multiplied together, they make…?"

"35i?"

"Yes. Now you use the inside numbers in each pair of parentheses, which is 2i and 4. And that is…?"

"8i."

"And now the last numbers: 2i and 5i."

"10i²?"

"Correct. So now you have 28+35i+8i+10i². So what should you do next?"

"Combine like terms?"

"So then you add 35i and 8i, which gives you…?"

"43i."

"That's right. And now you have this i², which will always be equal to (-1). So 10 times (-1) is…?"

"(-10)."

"Yes. So now you have 28+43i-10. What can you do now?"

"Subtract 10 from 28."

"And what does that give you?"

"18."

"So what's the answer?"

"18+43i?"

"Right. Do you get it now?"

"Yeah."

"Alright. Try this one for practice." Mr. Hayes wrote down another problem on the piece of paper.

I took it when he handed it to me and started to work out the problem while he watched over my shoulder. I FOILed, then combined like terms. After that, I plugged in (-1) for i² and combined liked terms again.

"You've got it, son."

It made me feel good when he called me that. I can't describe it. I don't know. I've never really had a father-son moment before, so I liked it when he called me _son_.

"The adoption agency told me that they only had a few more things to do before you could move in with me."

"That's great." I smiled and looked up at him.

"I already have your room ready. You wanna see it?"

"Yeah."

Mr. Hayes led me down a hallway, then opened the last door on the right, which was directly across from his room. He stood in front of the door and motioned me inside.

I went into the room and looked around. There was a twin bed and a TV. A closet was in the corner and a single window was on the other wall.

"Oh, and I got you a surprise. Close your eyes."

I did, then opened them when he told me to. Resting in Mr. Hayes' hands was a brand new acoustic guitar.

I stared at it in awe for a moment before snapping back to reality. "Thanks. A lot. But I can't accept this."

"Sure you can."

"But it's probably very expensive and-"

"It's okay, Cody. We're family now." He smiled.

I did the same back and uneasily took the guitar. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. You can take it with you if you want."

"Okay." I followed the man out of the room.

"You wanna stay for dinner?"

"No, thanks. I really have to get going."

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye." I grabbed my backpack and tossed it over my shoulder, then started out the door with the guitar in hand.

* * *

><p>I climbed over the balcony and then crossed it and opened the glass door. It's a good thing that I'd dropped the guitar off at my house, or I'd have a lot of trouble doing this.<p>

Melissa, who had been sitting on her bed with her arms crossed, turned to me. "You're late."

"I know. I stopped by Mr. Hayes' house to get help with my homework."

"Well my dad is home today anyway, so I guess it doesn't matter."

"Why didn't he go to work?"

"He switched positions with someone else. But it's just a one-time thing," Melissa quickly added when I started to ask her a question.

I sighed, then thought for a moment. I dropped my book bag, then took her hand and opened the bathroom door, closing and locking it behind me.

"Jackson, what are you doing?"

"We can do it in here."

She just smiled at my need for this and put her lips to mine. I pinned her hands against the wall as I got closer to her, her fingers interlocking with mine. Our tongues danced together as we made out.

After a moment, we both unzipped out pants, then reconnected. I didn't hesitate to enter her. I unbuttoned the three buttons on Melissa's shirt, revealing her black bra. I caressed her breast, then moved my lips to her neck. She lifted her chin so I could have easier access, then she moaned. He hands slid up my butt and into the back of my shirt, trying to lift it up. I removed my hand from her breast and pushed my shirt back down. She knew that I was uncomfortable with that so she didn't try again.

Melissa and I have been having sex for a while, yet we've never seen each other naked before. It's weird. I know. But I'm constantly covered with bruises, and she doesn't know that my father is abusive. But, soon, I'll be living with Mr. Hayes and then I'll be out of my dad's house.

Melissa wrapped her legs around my waist and pushed away from the wall. I spun around and leaned her against the bathroom counter. We knocked several things over, but that didn't stop us. Her hands ruffled through my hair as she guided my head back up so our lips could meet again.

Soon after, we ended up on the floor with Melissa sitting on top of me, a knee on each side as she looked up at the ceiling with her hands clenching my shirt. Both of us were sweating and panting, but we didn't quit. I put an arm around her waist and pulled her down, then rolled on top of her. I slid my hands up her body, but instantly removed them when there was a knock at the door.

"Melissa?" It was her dad. "Are you okay?"

Her eyes went wide with panic as she shoved me off of her and stood, then grabbed her robe from the back of her door while I searched for a place to hide. Melissa eyed me commandingly and waved her hands, telling me to hurry, so I just carefully stepped into the bathtub and slid the curtain closed behind me.

Melissa took a breath before opening the door. "Hey, Dad."

"What was all that noise? I thought you fell."

"Oh, no. I'm fine. I just dropped some things off of the counter," Melissa said as she held her robe closed.

Mr. Wu checked over her shoulder. "I see. What are you doing in here?"

"I'm about to jump into the shower."

The man eyed her suspiciously, then stepped inside and looked around, searching for something out of the ordinary. Melissa tried to act normal. When he came toward the tub, I tried to make my breathing as quiet as possible and I stood as still as I could.

Suddenly, Mr. Wu's hand appeared in the curtain, which made me jump. Soon realizing that he wasn't going to slide the curtain open, I tried to hold in my laughter at my…whatever you call it. I laugh at things like that.

Mr. Wu's hand grabbed one of the knobs and twisted, then his arm disappeared behind the curtain.

I was instantly drenched from head to toe. But I didn't move for fear of making a sound.

"It might take a minute for the water to get hot because you mother just took a shower," the man said.

"Okay," said Melissa.

Mr. Wu exited the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

Melissa pulled the curtain open and turned the shower off, then grabbed a towel and wrapped it around me. I was shivering and freezing. My hair and clothes were dripping. Before I stepped out of the tub, I dried off as best as I could.

After that, we left the bathroom, immediately coming to a halt when we saw Mr. Wu sitting in a chair next to Melissa's bed. The girl opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out.

"Come here." Her father used his pointer finger to wave us over. "Have a seat. We need to talk."

We did, taking a seat next to each other on the bed. I put the towel down under me so I wouldn't get anything wet. Neither of us spoke a word.

"Now I'm not going to tell you that you're too young or that you don't know what love is or anything. I believe that it's your choice to make. I remember what it was like being a teenager. And I'm sure that you know all of the risks of having sex. I hope that you're using protection," Mr. Wu emphasized, looking at me.

I uneasily dropped my gaze to my lap. I mean, this is really weird. I never thought anyone really had this talk with their parents. I never did. And now I'm getting it from Melissa's.

"But I just want you to know that I am really uncomfortable with the two of you doing this."

I glanced over at Melissa, who seemed to be deep in thought.

"Cody, I'm gonna have to inform your father about this."

I let out a short breath as I closed my eyes and dropped my head again. I knew I'd be in big trouble.

"I think it's time for you to go."

I stood and started out the door. "See ya, Melissa. Bye Mr. Wu."

"Bye," they both said in unison, Melissa's voice more quieter.

* * *

><p>I knocked on the door.<p>

After a moment, a twenty-two year old man answered. "Hey, CJ." He held the door open wider so I could step inside. "The guys are here."

"Great," I lied.

I'd wanted to talk to Big Jay alone. He was my best friend in the gang and I trusted him the most. I wanted to tell him that I was planning on leaving the gang soon. But I didn't want to say it while the others were here. At least, not yet.

I followed him to the living room and took a seat on the couch next to Elvis. He offered a blunt and I took it, put an end into my mouth, and breathed in.

"So where you been, CJ?" Moe said with a little bit of anger.

I passed the blunt on so it could make it's way around the circle. "Just busy, you know?"

"No, I don't know," he shot back. "Where the f*ck you been?"

"I don't know. I got school. Then, when I get home, I have homework. I told you. Just busy."

"Too busy to hang out with your friends?" Since Moe was the oldest in the gang (twenty-four years), he felt like he was the leader. "Or are you ditching us for those rich b*tches?"

I said nothing, only took another puff of the blunt when it was my turn.

I really hated Moe. But we're all a family, and I'd stick up for him any day. But still, I can't stand him. It always seemed like he was trying to pick fights with me or something.

"What?" Moe said. "You think you're more special than us now that you got your new school and your rich friends and a new family coming? Huh? Answer me!"

I took yet another puff before passing the blunt on to the next person.

Moe jumped up and came toward me. "Answer me, you son of a b*tch!"

I stood, too, prepared for a fight.

Big Jay stepped between us. "That's enough, Moe! Leave him alone!"

Moe's teeth were clenched as only Big Jay's arm separated him from me. He was breathing heavily. After a moment, he back up and took a seat.

You may think that since we're a family and all that we don't fight, but every family does. Well, usually there are only arguments.

"That f*cker p*sses me off~thinking he can come in whenever the f*ck he pleases." Moe was fuming.

"I'm just gonna leave," I said, starting toward the door. "I'll see you guys later."

Moe chuckled furiously. "Say goodbye to CJ, guys. You won't be seeing him for another week or two."

I couldn't help myself when I said, "That's because I actually got a f*cking life, and I'm not just sitting on my *ss or selling drugs to get money like you."

Moe got up so fast that I had no time to move. He shoved me up against the wall and winded his fist back. I didn't even flinch before Big Jay grabbed Moe's arm.

"Leave him alone, man," Big Jay said.

Moe glared at me. "You better watch that wise-*ss mouth of yours. It's gonna get you into a lot of f*cking trouble one day.

* * *

><p>I walked down the street alone, my hands in my pockets as I headed home. I hope that I can talk to Big Jay alone soon. I've been trying really hard lately to get kicked out of the gang. But they just don't seem to even have that thought cross their minds.<p>

A pick-up truck came to a stop beside me, but I didn't notice it until the man inside started talking. Maybe it was because of the blunt.

"Get in the truck," my father said, instantly snapping me back to reality.

I did as I was told. Once I got inside, I could smell a strong scent of alcohol. I could tell that he was angry by his tone and facial expression.

"I've been trying to find you for an hour! Where the f*ck have you been?"

"At a friend's."

"Melissa's father called. We're gonna have a long talk when we get home." He took a swallow from his bottle of beer, which was in a brown paper bag. He then set it next to him.

After a moment, I leaned forward to turn on the radio. Dad suddenly punched my shoulder, so I quickly retreated.

* * *

><p>Hesitantly, I got out of the truck. My father turned it off and got out after grabbing his beer. He followed me toward the house, shoving me to the floor once we stepped over the threshold. He then slammed the door closed.<p>

* * *

><p>I opened my eyes to find myself on the floor. I pushed myself up and immediately felt pain. I forced myself to my feet and glanced out of a window, noticing that it was dark. I walked into my room and slowly laid down on the bed.<p>

Dad was a very smart man. He usually never hit me in the face. Most of the time, he'd punch and kick me where I can be covered with a shirt or pants.

I've been getting abused ever since I was nine. It's definitely gotten worse over the years. But I can handle it. I don't want my father to go to prison.


	2. Not My Day

I was washing my hands when suddenly I was pulled away from the sink and dragged into a bathroom stall by three boys from the football team. I tried to get away, but failed.

They shoved my head into the toilet, and one secured it by placing his shoe on the back of my head. They flushed, and my face became wet. I tried to get out, but couldn't.

After a moment, they let me go, grabbing the back of my shirt and yanking it. I erupted into a coughing fit while they all laughed. One of them, whose name was Jason, picked up my book bag and unzipped it, then turned it upside-down above the toilet, letting everything fall into the water, which splashed on my face when something heavy, such as my binder, hit it. To top it all off, he dropped my backpack inside, too.

Another guy, named Randy, patted my back hard. "See you next period, Cody."

They always called me by my first name because they knew that I didn't like it. The three left me alone.

I grabbed my book bag, which was soaking wet. I made sure that there was no extra water on the inside, then began putting all of my stuff in it. My papers and homework were ruined. The expensive calculator that I have to have for math doesn't work. I'm just glad that I didn't have a textbook in here, because that wouldn't be cheap at all.

"Cody, you're late. And wet," Mr. Benjamin noticed. "Both of which I don't allow in my classroom. ISS. Now."

He was always hard on everyone and gave in-school-suspensions or detentions for every little thing.

I saw that the three football players were laughing as I exited the room and went towards the ISS room.

* * *

><p>"Cody?" Mr. Hayes called as I started to walk past his door. He waved me into his classroom.<p>

I stepped inside and went to stand in front of his desk.

"What happened today? Why weren't you in class?"

"Mr. Benjamin gave me ISS for being late." Since I was now dry, I didn't have to tell him about the other part.

"Oh. Well, Cody, your grade has been dramatically decreasing in this class."

"I know."

"I'm really concerned. Is there some issue going on with you at home or at school that I need to know about that might be keeping you from your work?"

I froze and swallowed, then tried to make my voice as normal as possible. "No." I didn't know what else to say. My mind was racing so much that I couldn't come up with an excuse.

"Because I know that you are a brilliant boy, Cody. This isn't like you." He paused. "Are you sure that there isn't something that you wanna tell me?"

"I'm sure. I've just been lazy," I managed.

"I know that you've heard this millions of times but _this is your future_. You were sent here because of Operation Second Chance. You proved that you had a lot of potential at your previous school and that you should be placed in a better one. You got another chance to start over and make something of yourself. But your not showing that with these grades, Cody."

I looked down at my feet. "I know."

"Do you know what your current grade is in this class?"

"No."

"An eighteen."

I said nothing, only bit my lip.

After a moment, Mr. Hayes said, "Did you do your homework?"

"No." But I had. I just couldn't turn it in since it was ruined now that the football players had tossed my belongings into the toilet.

"But I showed you how to do it last night. There were only five problems. Why didn't you do it?"

"I don't know," I said quietly.

The man sighed. "I'll tell you what. I will give you half credit if you complete it now."

"I don't have it."

"Where is it?"

"At home."

"Cody, I'm gonna have to call your father."

Softly, I said, "Okay."

"Go ahead and leave so you don't miss the bus."

I turned and exited the classroom, kind of ashamed of myself. I could tell that Mr. Hayes was extremely disappointed in me, which made me feel bad because we were really close. He was like a father to me.

I hurried toward my bus and went up the stairs, then started down the isle, only to be tripped by Desmond, one of the football players. Several people giggled and laughed obnoxiously. I just picked up my things and continued toward the back of the bus, sitting down in the last seat. I rested my forehead on the window and closed my eyes.

A minute later, there was a plop next to me, and I opened my eyes to see that Desmond was sitting there and that his friend Drake, another member of the football team, was in the seat in front of me, looking at the two of us with a smile.

* * *

><p>I stepped off of the bus, thankful to get away from Desmond and his friend, then started walking across the yard and onto the porch. I opened the door and went into the house.<p>

My father was on the phone. He stared at me as he spoke. "Yeah. He just walked in. I'm gonna have a long talk with him. He's definitely in a lot of trouble. Okay. Thanks for the call. Bye." He put the phone on the hook and took a swallow from his beer before coming towards me.

"Dad, I can explain."

"Cody, it's been two days and I already got three people calling and complaining about you, whether they're telling me that you're late to class or that your failing or that you're f*cking their daughter. I've had it. You're grounded for a week."

"But, Dad-"

"Do not talk back to me!" He shoved me onto the floor and kicked me.

I immediately grabbed my side. "Dad, wait. Stop. Stop it!" I yelled as he kicked me again.

My father tried to gain control of himself as his nostrils flared. "Go to your room. No dinner for you tonight."

I carefully stood and did as I was told.

* * *

><p>Later that night, I left my room and went into the living room, which is where my father was watching TV. "Dad?"<p>

"What are you doing out of your room?"

"My calculator is broken, and I need a new one for math."

"So what do you expect me to do about that?"

"Could you give me some money so I could get another one?"

"Go and buy you own d*mn sh*t! Money doesn't grow on trees, Cody!"

"How am I supposed to pass math without a-"

Dad jumped up. "Go to your room or I'm gonna beat you're *ss!"

With that, I hurried into my room, hoping that he wouldn't follow me. Unfortunately, he did.

He grabbed my hair and pulled me off of the bed, guiding me toward the wall. "You better not talk back to me like that again!"

I tried to get away from him. "Let me go!" I could tell that he was drunk, which really wasn't good for me.

My father kneed my lower stomach furiously. I doubled over in pain. When he moved aside, I dropped onto the floor. He gave my side a kick, knocking me over. He instantly grabbed my shirt collar, pulling me to my feet, then tossed me toward the other side of the room. I landed on the floor, then looked back up at him. I started backing up against the wall when he came toward me with his fists clenched.


	3. Thank You, Bully: That Felt Great

I was walking down the hall when suddenly Randy came from behind me and knocked my books out of my hands. His friends backed him up with laughter. I just bent down and picked up my books, then continued down the hall and into Mr. Benjamin's class.

* * *

><p>"What have you been up to, Jackson?"<p>

"Nothing much."

"Then why haven't you been hanging out with anyone?"

"I don't know. I've just been busy~with the adoption and all."

"Oh. Well-" She stopped mid-sentence because I was shoved up against the lockers.

A crowd of football players surrounded me. One stood in front of me with anger on his face~Nick: Taylor's boyfriend. He winded his fist back.

* * *

><p>I sat in the back of Mr. Hayes' classroom. I'd managed to slip past him without allowing him to see my black eye. Unfortunately, he'd soon find out.<p>

"Cody," he said. "Can you work out problem number twelve on the board?"

"I didn't get that one," I said, looking at my desk.

"Well, come up to the board, and I'll help you out."

I sighed, figuring that I had no way out of this. I stood and went to the front of the room with my head down. I came to stand in front of the white board. I could tell that he noticed my black eye.

He seemed to be at a loss of words. After a moment, he managed to ask, "Where's your paper?"

"I lost it."

Mr. Hayes gave me the problem and asked me what I should do next.

I just stared at the problem, then shrugged and spoke quietly. "I don't know."

"See me after class," he whispered. "Go ahead and take a seat."

* * *

><p>When class was over, I started toward the front of the classroom and came to stand in front of Mr. Hayes' desk after being told <em>goodbye<em> by Melissa and Nathan.

The man stood and closed the door after the last student exited, then he turned back to me. "What happened to you?"

"Nothing. I'm fine."

"Seriously, Cody. What happened?" Mr. Hayes had a look of concern on his face.

I quickly made up a lie. "I fell."

"You fell?" he repeated as he came to stand behind his desk.

"And I hit the railing on my way down the stairs."

He stared at me. "Don't lie to me, Cody. I want the truth."

I looked at the items on his desk and spoke quietly. "Just some guys."

"You went back to your old neighborhood, didn't you?" After a moment, he said, "Cody?"

I didn't like lying to him. But I had to. So I nodded. "Yeah."

"What? What were you thinking?" He was trying hard not to raise his voice at me.

Defensively, I said, "I just wanted to see some of my old friends."

"Cody, you know that you're not supposed to go back there. That was part of the rules of Operation Second Chance."

"I know. I just…. I miss them."

Mr. Hayes sighed. "Cody, promise me that you won't go back there."

"Okay."

"You promise?"

"Yeah."

"Okay." After a moment, he said, "I wanted to take you to get something to eat tonight. Is that alright?"

I smiled because Dad had never even attempted to spend quality time with me. "Yeah."


	4. Dinner

I walked up the driveway quickly, hoping to slip past my father. Unfortunately, I didn't.

I seemed to get beat every time I walked in the door or tried to talk to him. It's increased a lot in the past couple of months-ever since I asked him if I could be put up for adoption (because Mr. Hayes and I were really close). I even got beat more than once a day sometimes.

"Cody, come here." Dad was working on his truck.

I walked toward him hesitantly, noticing the beer bottles on the ground and the half-filled one next to him on the concrete.

When I was in front of him, he squeezed my chin, looking at my eye. "Who did this?"

"Nobody." I shoved his hand away.

He chuckled. "You want me to show you what you do when someone bullies you?" Without giving me time to answer, he punched my cheek hard, causing me to fall onto the ground.

I quickly stood, held my cheek, and walked into the house.

"Hey! Don't you walk away from me!" He came after me with his beer in hand. "Get back here!"

I went toward my room, but was cut short when something hit my head. I suddenly fell to the floor. My vision went black.

* * *

><p>I opened my eyes to find a shattered beer bottle next to me. My head was hurting. I forced myself onto my feet. It wasn't until then that I noticed that someone was knocking on the door. I hurried toward it, then opened it to see Mr. Hayes.<p>

"Hey, Cody."

"Hey."

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah." I stepped outside and closed the door behind me, then followed him to his car. I got inside, sitting on the passenger's seat while he got in the driver's seat.

He strapped himself in, then noticed that I wasn't doing the same. Kindly, he said, "Buckle up."

I did as I was told, then relaxed myself in my seat.

* * *

><p>Mr. Hayes had taken me to Applebee's. We sat in a booth, eating our food.<p>

He broke the silence. "So what happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"Your cheek?"

I hadn't realized that I had a large bruise on my left cheek from where my father had punched me. I quickly thought of an excuse. "I just wanted to tell them _bye_."

"Cody, why do you go there if they hit you?"

"It's just one of them that doesn't like me. But I'm leaving a really good friend there. I had to see him one more time and let him know why I wasn't going to be around anymore."

"So that's it? Your not going back anymore?"

"That's it."

"Good."

"So have you heard from the adoption agency anymore?"

"They said in just a couple more days you should be able to move in. So you can go ahead and start getting your things packed."

That got me excited. "Okay."

A waitress came with the bill and set it onto the table before stepping away.

I glanced at it before Mr. Hayes picked it up. I pulled my wallet out of my back pocket and took out the money for the cost of my food.

The man noticed this. "That's okay, Cody. I got it."

"You sure?"

"Yeah." He pulled out his wallet and got the money out, then left a tip for the waitress.

* * *

><p>"Thanks for taking me to dinner."<p>

"You're welcome. See you tomorrow, Cody."

"Bye." I got out of the car and crossed the yard, then went inside, where my father was waiting for me, drunk and angry.

"Where the f*ck have you been?"

"I was with Mr. Hayes."

"You know that you're supposed to tell me before you leave this house! What the h*ll were you thinking?"

"I didn't think that you cared 'cause you sure have a funny way of showing it!" I blurted.

He stood and quickly unbuckled his belt, then removed it.

"Dad, that didn't come out right. I didn't mean it."

He came toward me, then slung the belt, hitting my shoulder with the buckle. I winced, tensing up. I had to get out of this.

I thought quickly in my head. Dad was drunk. Maybe I could slip past him and lock myself in my room.

I took this chance and broke into a run toward my room. My father stuck his arm out, trying to grab me, but couldn't since his coordination was off in his drunken state. I went into my room and slammed and locked the door behind me, sighing with relief.

It wasn't long before my father started yelling and banging his fists on the other side of the door. "Let me in, Cody! Now!"

I just took a seat on the edge of the bed, staring at the door.

"Now, Cody! Open this f*cking door!" He started ramming it, which worried me.

I slowly got onto my feet and swallowed, tensed.

A few more curses and minutes later, the door swung open, and my dad stood there. I could only look at him and try to hide my fear. He angrily hit me with his belt.

My beating was ten times more painful than it would've been if I would've just let him do it the first time.


	5. Out All Night

I laid some of my clothes next to my suitcase on the bed. I know that it's past midnight, but packing now gave me a sense of hope. And I can't wait until tomorrow.

I went back to the closet, lifted my arm, then winced at the pain that shot through me. I grabbed more clothes out, then laid those onto the bed.

I didn't have many belongings, so all my things would fit in one bag.

Dad started to walk toward his room, but stopped when he saw that I was still awake. He pushed my door open some more so he could step inside. "What the h*ll are you doing?"

"Packing."

Dad was mad that I'd asked him to put me up for adoption. In fact, he'd said _no_. But I'd told him that I'd send him to prison for abusing me if he didn't.

"For?"

"I'm leaving soon."

My father suddenly hit the lamp on my nightstand angrily, which shattered, causing me to jump. He grabbed the clothes that were currently in my hand and opened the window.

"Dad, don't."

My father tossed them out the window, then picked up the others that were on the bed and threw them out, too. He was yelling at me the whole time. "You wanna f*cking leave, Cody? Then go ahead! Get the f*ck outta here!" When he was done, he grabbed my arm and dragged me toward the front door, then shoved me outside. He then slammed the door closed behind me.

I tried to open it, but it was locked. I sighed, then turned and looked at the night sky.

* * *

><p>The door opened and Big Jay looked at me. "Hey, CJ. What are you doing here so early?"<p>

"Can I stay here?"

"Sure." He let me step inside.

I showed myself to the couch and took a seat.

He sat down next to me. "What's up?"

"My dad's p*ssed at me."

"What'd you do?"

"You know how I'm getting adopted soon?" When Big Jay nodded, I continued. "Well, I couldn't sleep because of my insomnia, so I just started packing. He told me to get out. And he started to hit me with his belt."

"Let me see."

I pulled my shirt off and showed him my bruises. There were at least six on my back, four on my sides, and five on my stomach.

"Sh*t," he said under his breath, examining my torso.

"You got any weed?"

"Yeah. Hold on." He went into his bedroom.

I put my shirt back on and rested my back on the couch. I was okay with talking to Big Jay about this. But he was the only one in the gang that knew that I was abused by my father.

When he came back in the living room, he took a seat next to me and held out a joint.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

I started smoking it, and I let the marijuana take my pain away.

* * *

><p>I opened my eyes slowly and felt sore all over. I pushed myself up, then looked to see that it was daylight outside. I stood dizzily and went into the kitchen to tell Big Jay that I was leaving, then exited the house.<p>

I went down the driveway and street, then walked for several minutes, when I was confronted by three older boys, which, I recognized, were from a rival gang. I stopped as they surrounded me. I knew that I was walking on their turf, but this was the way home unless I wanted to take the long way, which I didn't.

They looked at me and made jokes about me, sizing me up. Then one grabbed me from behind, holding my arms tightly. I tried to pull away, but couldn't. One of the guys suddenly punched my nose. I could tell then that it was broken. Another one punched my lower stomach, so I hunched over as much as the guy behind me would allow. After that, he kneed my face. This caused my head to fly back and almost hit the guy's behind me. I could stand on my feet no longer. So that's when they started kicking me.

Normally, when someone was beaten up, the gang would go after whoever did it. But I stopped reporting things, for I didn't see the point of fighting. It's like a never-ending chain.

* * *

><p>I slowly walked up the stairs, pain running throughout my body as I did so. I reached the front door and found that it was unlocked, so I stepped inside, then started toward my room.<p>

Seeing me, Dad got off of the couch and stormed toward me. He shoved me. "Where the h*ll have you been?"

I fell backwards, knocking over the cheap dining room table as I hit the floor. "A friend's," I said, looking up at him.

"You know that you're not allowed to stay out all night!"

"You locked me out. What was I supposed to do?"

"Wait until I let you in!" he shot back, then pulled me up by my shirt collar and shoved me out the door. "Now go outside and get your clothes!"

I stumbled, then went down the few stairs and walked to the right side of the house. That's where I saw my clothes that Dad had thrown out the window. I slowly bent over and picked them up, occasionally wincing with pain. When I was done with that, I carried my clothes inside, only to have them knocked out of my hand by my father once I stepped over the threshold. I just stared at him, exhausted from having to painfully walk all the way here from my old neighborhood after getting jumped.

After a moment, he yelled, "Pick them up!"

I did as I was told, then carried them into my room and dropped them onto the bed. After that, I exited the room. My dad was heading toward the living room, but I stopped him.

"Dad?"

"What now, Cody? What now?" he said, irritated.

"I need to go to the hospital to get my nose fixed."

He smirked and stepped closer to me, reaching his arm out. "I can fix it for you right now."

I pushed it away. It may seem like he was joking, but he wasn't.

"C'mon, Cody. Lemme fix it for you."

"Dad, no." I backed up, only to find myself against the wall, trapped by my father.

* * *

><p>"Cody?" Mr. Hayes said as he opened his car door and took a seat in the driver's seat. "What are you doing in here? How'd you get in here? The doors were locked."<p>

I was facing the window. I knew that he'd be mad that I'd broken our promise yet again and went back to my old neighborhood.

"What's wrong?"

"I did something that I shouldn't have."

"What?" He put his hand on my shoulder, rubbing it, concerned.

I winced, for I had a bruise on my shoulder from where my father had hit me with his belt. "I went back to my old neighborhood."

"What?"

Before he could get too mad, I turned to look at him.

"Oh my…. Cody, what happened to you?"

"I ran into some guys that don't like me." Although Mr. Hayes knew a whole lot about my past, I'd never told him that I was in a gang.

"You should go to the hospital."

I knew that if I played this right, I could go to the hospital, and I wouldn't make my father sound bad. "I can't."

"What are you talking about, Cody. You have to."

"We don't have the money to pay for a hospital bill."

"I'm sure that your father wouldn't mind."

"He tried to get me to go. But he really doesn't have the money for it. He's behind on the house note and he barely has enough to get groceries."

Mr. Hayes didn't even have to think about saying, "I'll pay the bill."

I shook my head. "I can't let you do that."

"Yes, you can. It looks bad. You need to get it checked. And anyways, soon, the adoption with be final, and I'll be buying things for you all of the time. This is no different."

I looked at him with an expression of contemplation, then said, "Okay. But my dad will pay you back as soon as he gets the money."

"It's fine, Cody."

* * *

><p>I was laying on the couch, flipping through the channels on the TV, when the doorbell rang.<p>

Mr. Hayes got out of the recliner and crossed the living room, then opened the door. The pizza man spoke, and Mr. Hayes handed him some money before receiving a box of pizza in his hands.

"Thank you. Have a nice day," said the pizza man as he started down the driveway.

Mr. Hayes closed the door and set the box of pizza on the coffee table. "I'll get some plates." He went into the kitchen and came back with two plates, handing me one. "You want something to drink?"

"I'll get it," I said, following him into the kitchen.

It was weird having him do all of these things for me. I'd never had that at home. I'd always had to fend for myself. So I just wasn't used to it.

After we each got our drinks and pizza, we both sat down in our previous seats.

I hadn't been able to find anything on since I don't watch much TV. I try to avoid going home as much as I can without getting in trouble. And a lot of the time, my dad is sitting drunk in front of the television. So, currently, I just settled for _That 70's Show_.

Then I started wondering what Mr. Hayes would think. This show has a lot of references to sex and drugs. But _I am_ a teenager watching a show _about_ teenagers that _was meant_ for teenagers.

I decided to ask. "Is this okay?"

He took his eyes off of the screen and looked at me, clueless for a moment, as if he were already enjoying the show. "Yeah. It's fine."


	6. Music And Basketball

I positioned my elbow, then took a shot, tossing the basketball into the net. I grabbed it and dribbled it back to the same spot, then threw it again, only to miss it. The ball hit the rim and bounced to the right.

I started to walk toward it, wondering when Nathan would be here. We'd planned on playing a couple games today, but he's late by at least ten minutes. I was starting to wonder if he was even going to show up.

I sighed when I saw that the basketball was in Jason's hand. He was accompanied by three other football players.

"Give me the ball."

"You want the ball?" Jason threw it hard right at my face, causing me to fall onto the concrete.

Randy chased after it. My nose was in great pain, for I still had a large bandage on it. The boys stepped closer to me. Randy slammed the basketball down on my lower stomach. I immediately doubled up in pain, rolling onto my knees. That didn't last long, for Nick kicked my side, knocking me over. And that's when they dropped the basketball and started kicking me.

I couldn't escaped as I now lay on my back. The sun blinded me, so I could only see their silhouetted figures.

But then another one joined. "Hey! Stop!"

The four football players turned around and saw Nathan, who came toward me.

"What are you doing? Leave him alone." Nathan came over to me and helped me up. "We should get you home."

"No!" I said quickly. I'd told my dad that I'd be here, and he was okay with it. And I didn't want to go home. I liked to be out of the house as much as possible. "I mean, no, I'm fine. We can still play basketball."

"You're obviously too sore to play. C'mon. You should rest." He pulled me to my feet and put his arm across my shoulder, supporting me as we started to leave the basketball court.

Just as we passed the other guys, the fourth one, whose name was Tim, shoved me from behind, causing me to fall to the concrete.

Nathan whipped around and stood face-to-face with him, about to punch him when I stopped him.

"Nathan, don't. It's fine."

He calmed himself, then stepped back and turned, helping me up again. He guided me to his car. We got in, then he drove off.

"Why do you let them push you around?" He seemed angry.

But there was a good reason. If I stand up for myself and get into a fight at school, Dad will beat my *ss, even if I was defending myself. No one except Big Jay knows that my father abuses me~not even Mr. Hayes or Melissa.

So I just said. "I don't know."

* * *

><p>"Where do you think you're going?"<p>

"Melissa's."

"H*ll no!" my father said. As he got up off of the couch and came toward me, he continued. "I don't even know what she sees in you anyways. There's nothing special about you. You don't have a pretty face. You really need a stylist. And you're _hair_…." My dad made a disgusted face. "She's wasting her time with you."

I just walked straight into my room without a word. He followed me.

"You haven't brought your grades back up yet. You should be thinking about school instead of girls."

"I know, Dad."

"What are you planning on doing with you life, Cody? Searching garbage cans to get food and sleeping under bridges?"

"No."

"Well, then get up and do something with your life, Cody! D*mnit! Make something of yourself!" He grabbed the acoustic guitar from the corner of the room and slammed it onto the ground. "This isn't gonna get you anywhere!"

"Dad, don't!"

"Do you know how hard it is to get into the music business? You'd never make it! You can't even play anyway! So you should just stop with your childish dreams now!" My father yanked the neck of the guitar up while his foot firmly held down the rest of it, tearing the instrument in half.

"Look what you did!"

* * *

><p>Mr. Hayes opened the door, and his eyes dropped from my face to the broken guitar in my hand.<p>

"I'm so sorry. I…I didn't mean to."

"It's okay, Cody," he said as he led me inside.

After I walked into the house, I turned around to look at him. "Y-you mean you're not mad?"

"How could I ever be mad at you?" Mr. Hayes said with a smile.

I knew that this was supposed to make me feel good. But it didn't. There was a whole lot from my past~and present~that would make Mr. Hayes furious. He just didn't know it. And I hated that I couldn't be completely honest with him.

* * *

><p>I stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom, an electric razor in hand. I was already half-way through shaving my head-my father's words ringing through my mind the whole time.<p>

"_There's nothing special about you. You don't have a pretty face. You really need a stylist. And you're _hair_…."_

My hair just dropped to the floor, adding to the large pile that was there.


	7. My Dad Is A Murderer

Melissa and I could hear the faint sounds of music and chatting coming from outside of the door. I had her pinned against the wall in the upstairs bathroom at Taylor's house. A small noise escaped her lips each time I pushed in to her.

Suddenly, someone tried to open the door, but failed, so they knocked. "Hurry up." It was obvious that the voice belonged to Eric.

It didn't take Melissa and I long to finish. When we were done, we zipped our jeans and checked our reflections, making sure we looked okay. Then we stepped out.

Eric immediately smirked. "Whoa! How much did he have to pay you, Melissa?"

Melissa just rolled her eyes and started down the stairs.

For some reason, Eric always made jokes about me~never about anyone else in our group. I don't understand why. I mean, what did I do to him?

I quickly got worried, for I knew that Eric would tell everyone. And no one else knew except for Mr. Wu and my father. But I wasn't worried about him telling our friends or just some random person at school. I was worried that he'd tell Mr. Hayes. And he knew that.

"Eric, do not say a word about this to Mr. Hayes."

"Or what?"

As annoying as he is, Eric is my friend, and I'd never hurt him. So I had nothing to back my threat up with.

"C'mon, Eric," I said, trying to lighten the mood.

He just smiled with a manipulating grin before stepping into the bathroom and closing the door. I turned and leaned against the wall.

This may not seem like a big deal to you. But I keep a lot of secrets from Mr. Hayes and the rest of my friends because I don't want them to know who I was and what I'm still doing. Melissa and I having sex was a secret that Mr. Hayes didn't know about. I don't want him to find out because he'll think that I'm a different person. And what if he decides that he doesn't know me anymore? What if he sends me back to stay with my father? I can't live like that for much longer.

When the blond-haired boy stepped out of the bathroom, I regretfully said, "What do you want, Eric?"

He smiled, knowing that he had power over me. "Get Taylor to go out with me."

"What? How am I supposed to do that?"

"You've got a week. You better think of something." He passed by me, then went down the stairs.

Not long after, I followed, then weaved my way through the crowd of partying teenagers and went out back.

There wasn't anyone in the backyard, which surprised me, for people filled the front yard and house.

I saw a single tree so I moved toward it, then leaned against it, needing to be away from everyone for a minute. I was nervous and jumpy, thanks to Eric's threat. I pulled out a rectangular pack from my pocket and grabbed a cigarette, then a lighter. I put the cigarette into my mouth, then lit it, breathing in.

I don't like that I smoke; I'm not proud of it. But it's not like I have to constantly have a cigarette in my mouth. I just need one occasionally to calm my nerves.

Suddenly, the back door opened and Melissa stepped outside. "Jackson, what are you doing out here?"

I cursed under my breath and quickly hid the cigarette behind my back. "Just getting some fresh air," I said when she was standing in front of me.

She leaned up and kissed me. I tried to unnoticeably wipe the burning end up the cigarette on the bark of the tall tree behind me, attempting to put out the fire. After that, I dropped it to the ground and moved the heal of my shoe so it covered the cigarette.

"Something wrong?" she asked.

"No. Let's go inside."

"Jackson, you don't have to try and hide it from me."

I looked down at her. "What are you talking about?"

"C'mon, Jackson. We both know that you smoke."

I put my eyes on the ground.

"Why didn't you just tell me?"

"I don't know, Mel. I just…. It's not something that I wanna go around and tell to people." After a moment, I asked. "How long have you known?"

"Ever since we started going out. I could smell it on you when you'd finish."

"Oh." That's all I could manage.

"Let's go inside."

I followed her into the house. Once we were inside, we separated, Melissa being called over by some of her friends.

I decided to go and find Taylor and talk to her about Eric. I scanned the crowd, then went upstairs. I chose to check her room first. I stepped inside. "Taylor?"

After a moment, she stepped out of her bathroom. "Hey, Jackson. How do you like the party?" She picked up her fruit punch from the nightstand.

"It's great. Um, can I talk to you?"

"Yeah."

I took a seat on the bed, and she followed. I sighed, wondering how I would say this. "Okay. So there's this guy. You've known him for a while. But you haven't really paid much attention to him. And this guy…. He likes you…a lot. He always has ever since he laid eyes on you."

Taylor grinned from ear to ear. "Jackson, I like you, too."

"What? No. I-"

Before I could say more, she put her lips to mine, forcing her tongue into my mouth.

I know I should've pulled away. But I couldn't. It felt so right. So I didn't fight when Taylor pushed my back onto the bed.

My hand lifted up to touch her warm body. She was so beautiful. She slid her fingers down my torso, going lower and lower. My hand slowly crept higher, in her dress now.

Her lips fit perfectly onto mine. Her body felt great as it lay on mine. Maybe that's why, when she began to pull down the zipper of my pants, I didn't fight her. She rolled over and pulled me on top of her. That's when I pushed into her.

She wrapped her legs around me and stared up at me with wide eyes and trembling lips. Her body shook, and a moan escaped her lips.

Just then, the bedroom door opened. Taylor and I looked to see who it was.

"Melissa…." I said.

She just exited the room and slammed the door shut behind her.

I quickly stood and zipped my pants, then hurried out of the room. I ran down the stairs and broke through the crowd, chasing after Melissa. I finally caught up with her outside. "Mel, wait."

She whipped around and punched my cheek hard.

I held the inflicted area. "Melissa, I can explain."

"Explain why you were having sex with Taylor? Save it, Jackson! I don't wanna hear it!"

"But, Mel-"

"It's over, Jackson." With that she turned and walked to her car, then angrily drove off. I sighed, then turned around.

There were several people staring at me. But, standing right in front of me, was Eric. I knew that he was p*ssed.

"Eric-"

"Don't." He, like Melissa, found his car and left.

I decided that I didn't want to be here either so I started walking home.

* * *

><p>I walked to the side of the house and opened a window, then hopped up and pulled myself through it. I closed it behind me, then turned around to come face-to-face with my furious father.<p>

"Where the f*ck have you been?"

"I told you earlier. I took Melissa to see a movie."

"I went to the theater and looked for you guys. You weren't there."

"We got out late."

"Oh, yeah? Then how come I saw you at Taylor's party when I drove by?"

I started to walk past him. "Dad, I'm tired. Just leave me alone." Suddenly, I fell to the ground when my father shoved me.

"You lying piece of sh*t!" he yelled, kicking me.

"Ow! Dad, stop!"

He continued. After a moment, I gathered enough strength to dodge one and stand up, only to be shoved onto my bed.

My father got on top of me and pinned me down, wrapping his fingers around my neck. His blue veins popped out of his arms. He stared at me with such anger and hatred that I became fearful, and tears welled up in my eyes. I clawed desperately at my neck, gasping for air. I struggled to beg him to let me go, but no words passed my lips. I pleaded with my eyes as a tear found its way to my cheek.

Suddenly, he removed his hands and pushed me off of the bed. I tried to breathe, but found it hard through the crying. When I caught my breath, I looked back up at my father, who was standing over me now. He smirked, for I hadn't cried in so long.

I was shaking, terrified. My voice trembled. "I'm sorry."

"You should be. Don't you ever lie to me again."

"Yes, sir."

* * *

><p>I didn't sleep at all that night. I kept thinking about what had happened. My dad strangled me. He almost killed me.<p>

I wish I could sleep. I'm so tired. I didn't like having insomnia. It wouldn't let me dream~wouldn't let me escape my life where I'm abused, where Melissa hates me, where Mom abandoned me, where I'm stuck in a gang that I don't want to be in, where I'm bullied, where I'm a failure~not only in school~but in everything else.

I sighed, then stood, not really wanting to get started with my day. I got dressed, then exited my room. Dad was sitting on the couch, drinking a beer. I started toward the door.

"Where are you going?"

"I have tutoring at Mr. Hayes' house today. Remember? It's Saturday."

"When will you be back?"

"I don't know. I won't be that long."

"When will you be back?" he asked more sternly.

"One o'clock."

"It takes you three hours to get tutored?"

"It's math."

"Well, get going, dumb*ss. And come straight home."

* * *

><p>"Hey, Cody. Come on in."<p>

I stepped inside.

Mr. Hayes put on his jacket. "I was thinking we could grab something to eat and study there. That sound okay with you?"

"My dad said that I wasn't allowed to go anywhere else but to your house."

"I'm sure he wouldn't mind as long as you're with me."

* * *

><p>Mr. Hayes and I had just finished breakfast and he was now giving me some problems to solve to see where I was having trouble. As I worked them out, he observed me. "What happened to your neck?"<p>

I'd had scratch marks there from where I'd attempted to claw my father's hands off of me when he'd strangled me. I was quick to think of an excuse. "A cat scratched me."

"You have a cat?"

"No. Melissa's cat."

"Oh. So why'd you shave your head?"

"I thought it was time for a change."

"Well, I like it."

* * *

><p>"Where were you?"<p>

"What?"

"Where were you?"

"I told you. I was studying with Mr. Hayes."

"I went by his house. You weren't there." The man got up off of the couch and came toward me.

"Dad, h-he just offered to buy me something to eat. He still tutored me," I said, pulling some folded papers that I'd solved problems on out of my pocket to prove to him that I learned something.

"I don't care! You said that you'd be at his house, and you weren't! You lied to me! Again!"

"Dad…why do you always hit me? I didn't mean to do anything wrong."

He suddenly shoved me to the floor, then pulled a pocketknife from his pants and put it to my neck, poking it into my skin. "Well, you did."

"Dad, stop!" Terrified, I yelled, "Why you gotta be like this?"

"Why couldn't you just be good and not get into any trouble?" he said, standing and putting the pocketknife away.

I quickly stood and ran for the door, leaving the house as fast as I could.

"Get back here, Cody!"

I ran all the way to Big Jay's house without stopping~without looking back. Of course, I found Moe sitting with him on his porch steps, just chilling. But I continued toward them. They both stared at me. I sniffled and dried my eyes, then slowly went closer and took a seat.

Moe observed me. "What the f*ck's wrong with you?"

No one in the gang has ever seen me cry before, not even Big Jay. And let me tell you, it was really embarrassing.

"Nothing," I said. I'd really wanted to talk to Big Jay alone since he was the only one that knew about my father, but I couldn't now that Moe was around.

"You alright, CJ?" Big Jay asked.

"Yeah. I'm fine," I lied. I tried to start a conversation. "What's been up?"

"Nothing much. How's school going?"

Moe looked away. He didn't really care about my school and didn't understand why I hadn't dropped out yet. But he didn't know that my dad would beat my *ss real good if I even just brought up the option.

"It's okay," I said, not really wanting to get into how bad my grades were. I looked up the rode and saw a vehicle coming this way, instantly recognizing it as my father's pick-up truck. "Sh*t!" I hopped over the edge of the concrete staircase and hid on the right side of it. I panicked when I heard my dad's truck come to a stop in front of Big Jay's house.

"Have either of you seen a sixteen-year-old boy with light brown hair and blue eyes?" he asked.

"Nope," Moe said. "Haven't seen him."

My father kept on driving. That's when I thought about how stupid my hiding spot was because, if he were to look out a mirror, he could easily see me, which he did.

He backed up his truck. I swallowed and came to a standing position, my heart thumping quickly against my chest when my dad got out of his truck and slammed the door closed, then walked around the front of the vehicle to come to stand in front of me.

"Dad-" I was cut off when he punched me with his fist. I fell onto the grass.

My father kicked me with all of his might several times. I tried to shrink against the concrete steps, pain shooting through my body.

Moe grabbed my dad from behind, dragging him away from me. Big Jay stepped between the two of us.

"Get in the truck," my father commanded.

I didn't move.

"Get in the truck! Now!"

I pushed myself to my feet, knowing that I was in for a beating when I got home. I walked toward the truck, only to be shoved to the ground by my father since Moe had let him go, thinking that he was done. I stood up and saw my dad turn toward Moe.

"Don't you ever touch me again," he said, pushing him a little.

Moe pushed back, only to be shoved back further. Moe suddenly pulled out his gun from his waistband, pointing it directly at my father. Not only was it self-defense, but he was also protecting me.

I quickly put myself between the gun and Dad. "Moe, don't. Put the gun down."

He stared intensely at the man behind me. I knew that he wouldn't hesitate to shoot whoever stood in the way of his soon-to-be victim.

I swallowed. "Moe…stop."

He met my eyes and paused for what seemed like forever and a half, then put the gun away.

My father grabbed the back of my shirt collar and dragged me toward the truck. He then went around to his side. Once we were both inside, he started the car and drove home, yelling at me the whole way there.

* * *

><p>I was sitting in the bathroom with my elbows on my knees. My hands held up my head and occasionally wiped my eyes or brushed across the top of my head since it was used to feeling hair there. I was sore all over. I'd been beaten for making my father chase after me and follow me to Big Jay's house. And, when he found out who I was hanging out with (gun-carriers that had nothing better to do than to pick a fight)…he was p*ssed.<p>

There was a knock. "Cody, open the door." It was Dad.

I stood and unlocked the bathroom door, then stepped out, only to have my father stop me by gripping my arm and spinning me around.

"Are you crying?"

I just looked away, wishing the tears would go away.

"What the f*ck's wrong with you?"

"I'm just not feeling good."

"Weak p*ssy," he said as he went into the bathroom and closed the door behind him.


	8. Good One, Bully: Now Let Me Out

I didn't like the weekends because I was usually stuck at home with Dad. He didn't let me go out much. But, maybe, he would today. Nathan had just called and invited me to play basketball.

"Dad?"

"What, Cody?"

"Can I play basketball with Nathan?"

"Be back in two hours."

* * *

><p>Nathan tossed the ball into the basket. "So what's up with you and Melissa?"<p>

I caught it, then threw it to him and looked away, speaking quietly. "I cheated on her, man."

"What?"

"I feel horrible."

Not only did I cheat on Melissa with one of her best friends. But Taylor gave up her virginity to me that night.

Nathan didn't know what to say. He wanted to comfort me, but he just didn't know how. I'd just hurt two of my best friends in one night.

I saw a truck drive through the parking lot and recognized my father at the wheel. He was just checking to see if I really was where I said I'd be. He does it all the time, so I wasn't really phased by it. He soon left and drove out of sight.

* * *

><p>It was three o'clock in the morning, and I had to get up for school soon. But I couldn't sleep. I was restless. I stood and exited my bedroom, then sneaked into my father's room. On his nightstand was a prescription bottle filled with ambiens. I quietly went over there and opened it, then poured four or five onto my palm. I left his room and tossed the pills into my mouth, then swallowed.<p>

* * *

><p>School. I dreaded to see Melissa in homeroom. I walked into the classroom and took a seat in my normal spot. But Melissa wasn't next to me. Apparently, she'd gotten her seat moved to the other side of the room.<p>

* * *

><p>I was walking to the buses at the end of the school day when, suddenly, someone grabbed the collar of my shirt and yanked me towards them, dragging me into the sport-players' locker room, which was filled only with football players. I instantly made a break for the door, but someone shut and locked it while another person grabbed me. "Let me go," I said.<p>

Nick came to stand in front of me, not hesitating to punch my cheek. My head turned sideways with the force of the blow. When I recovered, he slugged my other cheek. The guy behind me shoved me forward after Nick moved, which caused me to hit the floor. That's when the whole team came at me, throwing punches and kicks. I jumped with each blow, my stomach rising from the floor a bit with the impacts.

* * *

><p>I slowly opened my eyes, pain shooting through my body. I looked around and noted that I was in a small, cramped space. I forced myself to my feet and winced. A little light shined through some small holes on one of the walls. I looked through it and saw some large lockers across from me. That's when I figured out where I was.<p>

I pushed on the locker door, but it didn't budge. "Hey," I called, banging my palms against the cold metal. "Someone there?" After five minutes with no answer, I gave up. I was going to be in here all night. It was probably already six or seven now.

Nick had taken things out of control. I knew he was mad about me and Taylor having sex but…. I don't know. Maybe this is what I deserve.

* * *

><p>I was in the locker for over an hour before I heard voices coming. That's when I remembered that the football players had practice, which ended at eight. They all gathered around the locker that I was in, Nick in the front of the crowd.<p>

"Let me out," I said.

"No chance."

"Nick!" I banged on the locker door. "Let me out!"

Everyone stood around and laughed.

After a few minutes, I heard a voice say, "What are you doing?" It was the coach. "Let this boy out!"

* * *

><p>I hurried across the yard and onto the porch, then quietly opened the door, trying to sneak in.<p>

My father immediately noticed me. "Where the h*ll have you been?"

I knew that I was in a lot of trouble. "I was-"

"You know that you're supposed to come straight home from school."

"I was trapped in a locker. It wasn't my fault. They knocked me out."

"Did they beat you up?"

I nodded.

"Good. Get your *ss to bed."

I walked into my room and laid down, sore all over.


	9. Playing Hooky

I gagged as I stuck the toothbrush down my throat. I puked as I leaned over the toilet, trying to be as loud as possible so my dad could hear me. I quickly put the toothbrush up when I heard my father coming. He stepped into the bathroom.

"What's wrong with you, Cody?"

"I don't…I don't think I can go to school today, Dad." I pretended that my stomach was hurting me.

"F*ck that. You better go."

"But I'm sick. I just threw up."

"I don't give a sh*t. You're not missing school."

"But, Dad-"

"Just shut up, Cody, and get ready for school!"

"But I really don't feel good."

My father grabbed my hair and yanked it so my head was inches from his. "I told you to get your *ss to school, Cody. You're not staying out." He pushed me onto the floor and left the bathroom.

* * *

><p>I stepped inside of Big Jay's house. Usually, I didn't knock, and I didn't want to now because it was only eight in the morning and I don't want to wake him up if he's not awake.<p>

I made my way to the living room and laid down on the couch, waiting for the man to wake up.

* * *

><p>I opened my eyes slowly when I heard some noises coming from the kitchen. I hadn't realized that I'd fallen asleep. I stretched and stood, then went into the kitchen.<p>

"Morning, CJ. Want some eggs and bacon?" Big Jay said.

"Sure." I took a seat at the small table.

"Why aren't you at school?"

"I just didn't feel like it today."

"You're dad's gonna be p*ssed if he finds out."

"Yeah, I know."

Big Jay put the bacon and eggs on some plates and joined me at the table, passing a dish to me.

"Thanks."

"Your dad do that to you?"

I knew that he was talking about the bruises on my cheek. "Nah. Just some kids at school."

"That why you don't wanna go today?"

"Sorta."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't want Mr. Hayes to know that they bully me. Because they'll get in trouble and be suspended. But, when they come back, it'll only get worse."

"If you defend yourself, they'll leave you alone."

"It's kinda hard when your up against a whole football team. And, if I get into a fight at school, my dad's gonna beat my *ss."

"Does he know that you're getting bullied?"

"Yeah. But he doesn't give a sh*t."

"When you moving into your teacher's house?"

"I don't know yet. It should be sometime soon. I hope."

* * *

><p>Big Jay and I were jumping up and down on his bed, laughing. We'd taken some magic mushrooms about an hour ago.<p>

I fell onto my back and stared up at the ceiling, watching the colors swirl around. Big Jay joined me. We looked at a colorful swirling poster on his wall and watched it spin.

After what felt like five minutes~but was probably almost twenty minutes~I looked next to me at the cord that was plugged into the lamp. I could hear the electricity running through the cord. I turned back to Big Jay. "You coming down yet?"

"Nope. You?"

"Nope. Sh*t. I gotta be home in half and hour. I can't go like this. My dad's gonna notice."

* * *

><p>I stepped through the door of my house, where I was met by my father.<p>

"Your principal called. He said that you missed school today. Where were you?"

"Just at a friend's. I was throwing up the whole time I was there."

"Don't give me that sh*t, Cody! You're lying!"

"No, I'm not."

"You were over there doing drugs, weren't you?"

"What? No! I-"

"Don't f*cking lie to me, d*mnit! I can tell that you're trippin', Cody!"

I said nothing.

"Am I right?"

I knew that he knew the truth. And, if I lie, I'd get into more trouble than I was already in, so I quietly said, "Yeah."

Without hesitation, he grabbed my shirt collar and dragged me toward my room, then tossed me inside and slammed the door closed behind him.

I'd fallen onto the ground when he pushed me. My eyes caught sight of a Led Zeppelin poster where one of the guys had his hands in the air. When I looked at it, his arms were waving around on the paper. I just laughed and stared at it in amazement.


	10. A Day With Dad

I swallowed a couple of ambiens and laid down in my bed to sleep. I hoped that I wouldn't wake up and have to take more later, but I usually do. I'm really building a tolerance to them. I don't understand how my dad only needs one or two and he's out for the night. Why can't it be that simple with me?

Some days I feel so drained that I don't want to get out of bed. But I have no choice because, if I don't, then I'll be around my father and he'll probably beat me several times.

* * *

><p>I walked to the lunch table, where all of my friends sat, except for Lex, since he was only in middle school. "Could you guys scoot down some?"<p>

"There's no room," Melissa said coldly.

"Guys, c'mon."

No one answered.

"Nathan? Daley?"

They said nothing.

I knew that Melissa was furious with me and that Eric was p*ssed. And Taylor was mad that I didn't want to be with her. But none of this was Daley and Nathan's business.

I turned and walked away, finding an open seat in the corner of the lunchroom, next to the trashcans. I sat down, alone. I took a bite of my sandwich, suddenly not hungry anymore.

* * *

><p>"You feeling better today, Cody?"<p>

I knew that Mr. Hayes was referring to me being absent yesterday. "Yeah. I'm fine."

"That's good. I saw from the teacher's lounge that you were eating alone today."

"Yeah. There wasn't any room at the table," I said, quickly thinking up something besides the full truth.

* * *

><p>"Can I go to my friend's house?"<p>

"Which one?" Dad asked.

"Big Jay."

"H*ll no."

"Dad, c'mon."

"I said _no_! You don't need to be around that kind of person, Cody!"

"But, Dad-"

"No!"

"I have no one to hang out with anymore!" I said, on the verge of tears. "All my other friends hate me, Dad. He's the only one I have left."

"Go to your room. Right now, Cody!"

I did as I was told. I plopped down onto my bed and cried into my pillow.

* * *

><p>I sat in the living room with my father, bored to death. My dad was watching football.<p>

I didn't care for the sport. It made me think of the football players at my school. I wondered how many of the ones we were watching on TV had been bullies. I think about this a lot and wonder how people could be so cruel to one another. And then I think about Melissa. I'd hurt her. I'd cheated on her. Sometimes, I wonder why Eric never told Mr. Hayes about Melissa and I having sex. Maybe he has something else up his sleeve.

I broke out of my thoughts and said, "Can I go to Mr. Hayes' house?"

"No. What's wrong with spending time with your father?"

"I'm bored."

"Well, watch TV."

"I don't want to. We've been sitting here for hours."

"Do as I say." He wrapped his arm around me, pulling me closer to him, and held my jaw tightly so my head faced the television. With his other hand, he turned up the volume, then put the remote controller down and took a sip of his beer.

I couldn't pull away. "Dad, you're hurting me."

"Good."


	11. Because Of You, Bully

I took a seat alone at the table near the trashcans. I hoped that Mr. Hayes didn't see me. I didn't want him to get suspicious and wonder why I'm really sitting over here. Because then he'll have to know the whole story.

I noticed that the football team was walking toward my table so I put down the fork that was in my hand and swallowed. They crowded around me, and a couple of them dragged me away from the table no matter how much I tried to fight back.

Everyone in the cafeteria was looking at us. Among the audience was Melissa.

Randy took the lid off of a trashcan, and the guys holding me shoved me into the garbage upside-down. I tried to flip the trashcan onto its side, but it wouldn't budge. The cafeteria was flooded with laughter.

Suddenly, the garbage can began to gently tip over. I crawled out to see Mr. Hayes.

I was humiliated~so embarrassed, in fact, that I was in tears. I ran across the cafeteria, passing quickly by Melissa. I hurried all the way into Mr. Hayes' empty classroom and took a seat next to the wall on the floor, hiding my face in my knees as I cried.

Soon, an unexpected guest entered the room. "Jackson?"

I looked up. "Mel?"

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I wiped away a tear, which smudged something gross and white under my eye.

She took a seat next to me, then peeled the tomato slice from my cheek.

"Look. I'm sorry that I cheated on you." The tears started up again and my voice cracked. "But I'm so lonely without you and everyone else. I've learned my lesson. Can we, please, be friends again?"

As she pulled food off of my shirt, she said, "Yeah."

"Can we go back to how we were: you being my girlfriend?"

Melissa hesitated for a long time. "Jackson, I think we should see other people."

I looked down at my lap and sobbed. "But I love _you_."

"I'm sorry." When Mr. Hayes entered the room, Melissa exited.

"You doing okay?" the man asked.

I nodded, although there were tears flooding from my eyes.

"Why don't we go to the boys' locker room so you can jump in the shower?"

I just nodded.

"You wanna do that?"

"Yeah."

"How long has this been going on?"

I turned off the shower and dried off, then started to put on my gym clothes. I'd told Mr. Hayes about me being bullied. "Ever since I transferred to this school." I opened the curtain when I was finished, then stepped out and took a seat on the bench next to Mr. Hayes, putting on my shoes.

"Why you?"

"What?"

"Why did they choose to bully you?"

"Maybe because of my neighborhood or my background. I'm poor, stupid, ugly. I have no talent. I don't know. Pick one."

"Cody, none of that is true."

"Yes, it is. I have no money. All my grades are between ten and sixty-five. Melissa doesn't like me anymore. And I'm really not that good at playing guitar. I'm not good at anything." I sat up after I finished tying the laces.

"Cody-"

"Look," I interrupted, trying not to sound too rude. "Are they gonna get into any trouble?"

"Yeah. They're definitely getting suspended."

I sighed. I knew that, once they came back, I was gonna get it big time. "Can't you just let it slide? I mean, they were just playing around."

"Not my rule, Cody. And, even it was, why would I do that?"

"Because they're not gonna stop. It's just gonna get worse if teachers get involved."

"Cody, you're gonna be fine."

I said nothing else.

"So, when you had bruises on your face those times, it wasn't because you went back to your old neighborhood, was it?"

"No. I told you: they're nice guys." After a long silence, I asked, "Is my dad gonna be informed about this?"

"Probably. Just to let him know what's been going on."

* * *

><p>"Okay, Cody. This is how you defend yourself against bullies." My father had forced me to stand in front of him and listen to his lecture. "The best way is to do this." Before I could protect myself, he kicked my lower stomach with all of his strength.<p>

I dropped to the floor, clutching the inflicted area.

"Next-stand up, Cody."

My forehead was on the ground. I was writhing on the floor in pain.

"I said, _stand up_, d*mnit!"

My teeth were clenched and my eyes were tightly shut.

My father gripped my shirt and yanked me to my feet. "Next-"

"Dad…." I could barely speak. "Stop it."

"Don't interrupt me, Cody. Another thing you can do to a bully is this."

I had no time to react before he turned around and grabbed my arm, then pulled me over his hunched-over body. After I'd done a complete flip, I landed with my back on the ground. The wind was knocked out of me, but, when I got my breath back, he pulled me to my feet.

"Such a lousy excuse for a son. You're supposed to fight back."

"Dad, stop," I pleaded. "I'm trying to be the boy that you want. I changed my hair~my clothes. I've done all I can do."

"You're forgetting the third thing that I said was wrong with you. Remember? I told you that you didn't have a pretty face when I was wondering what Melissa saw in you. But I can fix that for you now." He punched me, knocking me to the ground.

"Stop." I held my cheek with one hand and used my other hand to help me scoot back. I soon ran into the kitchen counter, but my father was still coming toward me. "Dad, stop! I hate you like this!"

He yanked me up furiously by my shirt collar, then shoved me back so my head would hit the hanging cabinets. He slugged me a couple of times, then tossed me to the ground. He grabbed my arm and bent it behind me.

"Dad! You're hurting me!" I had tears welling up in my eyes. "Please! Stop!"

He paid no attention. He just put more pressure on my arm until he heard it crack. With that done, he grabbed my broken arm and started dragging me across the floor. I tried to stand so I could walk to wherever he wanted to lead me, but I was too weak.

"Dad, please!" I yelled. "Leave me alone!"

My father pulled me into my bedroom and yanked me up, then shoved me onto my bed. He got on top of me and unzipped his pants.

"Get off me!" I screamed, doing everything I could to push him away.

He punched me so my hand would go instantly to the inflicted area, then he pulled my pants and boxers down to my knees. I was dizzy, and my head was hurting. He pinned my arms above my head, the broken one easy for him to trap.

"Dad, please," I sobbed. "Don't do this to me. I'm begging you. Please." I was wiggling to get out of his grip.

"You ready?"

"Dad, please," I whispered, giving up on trying to get free.

"I've been wanting to do this for so long."

I knew that he wasn't going to let me go. So I just turned my head and squeezed my eyes closed, but that didn't stop the tears.

"Look at me, b*tch. Look at me!"

I did. His eyes were filled with lust, mine with fear. He pushed into me, and I let out a whimper. It was incredibly painful, but I tried not to yell. If I don't displease him, maybe it'll be over soon.

"Yeah. You like that, don't you?" After a moment, he said, "Don't you?"

I flinched at his monstrous tone, knowing what the answer had to be. "Yes!" I sobbed. "Yes!"

For the remainder of the time, he spoke of obscene and vulgar things.

* * *

><p>My father stood above me, buttoning and zipping his pants. "That was fun. Maybe we could do it again sometime before you leave." He exited my room.<p>

I was laying on my bed, shaking, tears streaming down my cheeks. I forced myself to my feet, then pulled up my boxers and pants.

"Cody, get your *ss in here!"

I flinched at my dad's voice, then walked toward the door. When I got to the kitchen, where he was standing, I said, "What?" My voice cracked. I was trembling.

"Clean this mess up."

The kitchen was a mess from where Dad had beaten me. Things had fallen out of the cabinets and off of the counters.

"Did you hear me?"

"Ye-"

"Do I need to start repeating myself?"

"No, Dad. I heard-"

"Well, then answer me the first time I speak to you!"

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

* * *

><p>Mr. Hayes opened the door, his smile turning immediately into concern.<p>

I was standing at his doorstep, with a small bag filled with almost everything that I own. My cheeks were covered with tears. My right eye and lips were swollen. My left eye was black. Bruises covered my face.

He waved me inside. "Cody, what happened to you?"

* * *

><p>Mr. Hayes and I sat on the couch. He was hugging me and rocking me back and forth while I sobbed. He spoke soothing words.<p> 


	12. Run Like H'll

I opened my eyes and found myself in a bed. I guess I'd fallen asleep while crying against Mr. Hayes and he must've carried me in here.

I stood up and exited the room, finding Mr. Hayes in the kitchen. I took a seat at the bar while he cleaned the dishes.

"How you feeling?"

"Better," I said, although I didn't really feel any different.

"You want something to eat or drink?"

"No, thanks."

Mr. Hayes washed his hands and turned off the sink, then came to stand in front of me on the opposite side of the bar. "Cody, what happened to you?"

I decided that I should just be truthful with him. "I haven't been completely honest with you." I gathered my explanation. "I trust you, Mr. Hayes, more than anyone I know. You cared for me, like a father cares for his son. And I've always wanted that. I knew that you wouldn't want anything to happen to me, so I sorta blackmailed my dad and made him put me up for adoption."

Mr. Hayes was stunned.

"Then I came over here with that sob story. Remember? When I said that my dad couldn't afford to support the both of us, so he was sending me away?"

The man nodded.

"That was a lie. The truth is that I just wanted to get away from him and be with you. I want you to be my dad."

"But why would you want that, Cody? We could've still been friends."

"I couldn't stay there anymore," I said, a single tear streaming down my cheek. "So I told him that, if he didn't put me up for adoption, I was gonna send him to prison."

Mr. Hayes could see that I was having trouble finally coming out with this secret. He put his hand on top of mine. "What did he do that could send him to prison?"

"Ever since I was nine, he's abused me."

The man's face suddenly became filled with emotion: hate, anger, sadness, pity, concern, disgust. "He did this to you?"

I nodded, just able to keep the tears at bay.

Realization hit. "Those times that you asked if the school was gonna call your dad…."

"I got beat," I said simply.

"I'm so sorry, Cody. I didn't know." Mr. Hayes thought for a moment, then picked up the phone that sat on the corner of the bar by the wall. "We should call the police."

"No!" I quickly slammed the receiver back onto the hook. "I mean, I can't."

"Why not, Cody?"

"I'm moving here. There's no use in calling the cops on him now." After a moment, I said, "Trust me on this one."

The man thought long and hard, then nodded. "Okay. I trust you."

Despite the situation, I smiled, and he did, too.

* * *

><p>Mr. Hayes and I were walking toward the man's house, going through the trail of trees. I'd just gotten a cast on my arm at the hospital. We were both laughing at something we'd been talking about in the car. It felt good to be with him now.<p>

I suddenly came to a halt when I caught sight of the porch, where a man~my father~sat. I swallowed. "Dad?"

He took a sip of his beer, then tossed the empty can into the bushes. "What are you doing here, Cody?"

"I just came to see Mr. Hayes."

"Without asking me first?"

I said nothing.

Mr. Hayes walked up onto his porch and unlocked his door. "Why don't we discuss this more inside?" He stepped into the house.

I followed, only to be shoved to the floor by my father. Mr. Hayes turned and looked at me, meeting my eyes.

"I tripped," I said, but I could tell that he knew that I was lying.

My teacher helped me to my feet since I was having trouble with my broken arm.

"Where are they, Cody?" my father said.

"What?"

He shoved my back against the wall, his hands on my shirt collar. "Don't give me that sh*t, Cody! Where are they?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Mr. Hayes started toward the closest phone. "I'm calling the police."

"No! It's okay."

Dad smirked. "No, go ahead. I know some things that could put Cody behind bars for years."

"Dad…."

"What? You blackmailed me. Now it's time to switch it up. Where's your room?" Without waiting for a reply, he let me go, causing me to fall onto the ground, and started searching the house. When he found it, he saw my bag of things and immediately began searching it. When he came back into the same room that we were in, he held up a pill bottle. "You stole my prescription of ambiens!"

I looked up at him with fearful eyes. "I-I need them to sleep."

"I don't give a sh*t! They're mine!" he yelled. "Now get in the truck."

"But, Dad-"

"Cody! Say _goodbye_ to you teacher and get you *ss in the truck!"

I slowly stood and walked past my father. "Bye, Mr. Hayes."

"Bye," he said, barely able to get the word out, for he was speechless.

"You better watch this b*tch when you get him," my father said to the man. "He goes back to his old neighborhood and hangs out with gangs. He does drugs with them, too. He has sex with a girl named Melissa. You gotta keep a close eye on him." Suddenly, he yelled, "Cody, do you want me to beat your *ss when we get home? Get in the truck!"

I'd been standing in the doorway, watching my father tell Mr. Hayes all of my secrets, but, when he said this, I hurried outside. But there was no way in h*ll I was getting in that truck.


	13. I'm Sorry, Big Jay

I was so out of breath, but I didn't stop running. I constantly looked back, wondering if that familiar pick-up truck had followed me. When I made it to Moe's house, I just opened the door and ran inside.

I'd had to go somewhere that he couldn't find me. He's been to Big Jay's before.

A shirtless Moe stepped out of his room soon after, having heard me come inside. I could see a girl in the room laying under the covers. Obviously, I was interrupting something.

"What's up, Cody?"

"Do you mind if I stay here for a while?"

"Sure. What's wrong?"

Since he probably already figured out what was going on between me and my dad, I figured that I should tell him. "I need to get outta town for a while."

"What you runnin' from?"

I couldn't stop the tears that rolled down my cheeks. "My dad."

Moe took a seat on the chair across from me. "What'd he do?"

"He hits me."

"Cody, you gotta stand up to him. Be a man."

"I can't," I said, my voice cracking. "I can't go back there."

"Why not?"

"He raped me."

Moe was silent, not showing a single emotion. After a moment, he said, "I'll tell you what. You go sell some coke for me, and I'll give you twenty percent of the profits."

I figured that it was an okay deal, so I said that I'd do it. I needed any money I could get right now.

* * *

><p>"S'up, CJ?" Big Jay said after opening his door and seeing me there.<p>

"I'mma go sell some coke for Moe. You wanna come with me?"

"You don't need to be selling sh*t, CJ."

"I know. But he said that he'd give me twenty percent, and I really need some money."

The man sighed. "Yeah. I'll go."

* * *

><p>"I don't know if that's the best thing to do, CJ. I mean, leaving town? Why don't you just come stay with me for a while?"<p>

"He knows where you live. He'll find me. I have to go someplace far until this adoption is final." After a long while of silence, I said, "If I tell you something, you promise not to tell Moe?"

"Yeah."

After a hesitation, I said, "I wanna get out of the gang."

He turned to me and said, "Well, good for you."

"What?"

"I said-"

"No. I mean, your not mad?"

"No. You've got a great life ahead of you, CJ. You don't need to mess it up by selling drugs and hanging around criminals." After a moment, he said, "But I don't know how this is gonna go down with Moe. He'll probably be p*ssed."

"Yeah. I know."

* * *

><p>We got to the meeting spot, where we were supposed to sell to some guy. It was an old, abandoned building, which I found odd. But I didn't give it a second thought. Big Jay followed me inside, and we climbed the stairs to the fourth floor, as instructed.<p>

The man was already there waiting for us. "You got the stuff?"

I pulled the cocaine out of my hoodie pocket.

"Now where's the money?" Big Jay said.

He took it out of his pocket. We traded with each other, then Big Jay and I turned to leave, starting toward the stairs.

That was easier than I'd thought. I mean, I have done this before, but…I just don't like to unless I really need the money.

The nerves inside of me settled down…that is, until I heard the man behind us cock his gun.

Big Jay and I halted, then slowly turned around.

The man had already opened the bag of coke and taste-tested it. "You trying to sell me fake sh*t?"

The gun was pointing right at me. My heart started beating quickly. What did Moe get me in to?

The next few events happened in slow motion. I watched as the man started to pull the trigger. Big Jay shoved me to the floor. I looked back up at him as he began falling to the ground. He had a bullet wound on his chest. It wasn't until then that I heard the sound of gunshot.

I knelt down next to him, my hands shaking terribly. I didn't know what to say. "What do I do?"

"Go." He barely managed to say the word, using his last breath to do so.

Tears welled up in my eyes, but I had to pull myself together. I darted down the stairs as the man shot his gun, missing me twice.

Going down all three flights of stairs would be going in the shape of a square, so the man could shoot me easily from above.

When I heard more shots fired, I jumped into the room next to me. It was large and completely empty. There was another doorway, but without a door, so I ran through it. This room had three different rooms. I chose one and ran inside. There were some things in this room, including a desk, which I hid behind.

Suddenly, I thought about how much of an idiot I was. I was trapped, since this was a dead end. There was no other way out of this room except for the way I'd came. And he would definitely find me here.

I saw the man pass the doorway to the room I was in. He chose a room and went inside. Thankfully, it wasn't the one I was in.

"I know you're in here," he said.

I knew that I had to get out of here. I slowly stood and walked into the large room, then snuck into the next room. There wasn't much of anything in here…except for a window. I hurried toward it, trying to open it. It was stuck from years of not being touch. I pushed harder and it started to move upwards, making a noise as it did so.

I could hear the man turn around and hurry out of the room he was in. I could only get the window open halfway, but that was enough for me to fit through.

I crawled out onto the fire escape, deciding to use the ladder instead of the stairs, which was hard with my broken arm. I got onto the ladder and quickly climbed down, then jumped onto the top of a dumpster when I was far enough down the ladder. It's top being slanted, I landed off balance and rolled off and onto the concrete. I heard shooting from above, quickly pushing myself off of the ground and ducking behind the dumpster. My hands were next to my ears, not quite covering them. I was scared to death.

The gunfire stopped and I realized that he was out of bullets, so I made a break for it.

* * *

><p>I stormed into Moe's house. He was standing in the living room, probably about to eat since there was food sitting on the coffee table in front of the TV.<p>

I shoved him against the wall, his shirt in my fists. "What the h*ll was that, man?" I was furious.

"What the f*ck are you talking about?"

"The fake sh*t! Because of you, Big Jay is dead!"

"What?"

"The guy found out that the coke wasn't real. Big Jay took the bullet, and I almost died!"

"You get the money?"

I pulled the bills out of my pocket and threw it at him, then turned to leave. I didn't want any of the money that Big Jay had died for. "I'm outta the gang."

"You can't quit."

"Watch me."

"Once a member~always a member," he called after me.

* * *

><p>I walked into my house shaking and with tears streaming down my cheeks. I had nowhere else to go, and, plus, I was already in enough trouble with my father. I leaned my back against the door and slid down it, sobbing into my knees.<p>

* * *

><p>I slowly opened my eyes and found myself on the floor. I had a huge migraine. I pushed myself up, using the kitchen counter for support, then walked all the way into my room, wincing the whole time. I grabbed the phone on my way there, then laid down on my bed.<p>

I'd been beaten…of course. My dad was p*ssed that he had to search all over the place for me. He said that even Mr. Hayes went looking for me.

I dialed a number on the phone and waited for an answer.

"Hello?" Mr. Hayes picked up his cell phone after the first ring.

"Hey."

"Cody, are you alright? I've been looking everywhere for you."

"I'm fine. I just wanted to tell you that I'm home."

There was silence on the other end as the man said, "Did he beat you?"

"No." But I knew that he could tell that I was lying, for I had to strain my voice. I could hear the faint sound of sniffling on the other end.

"I don't know what to do," he said.

"It's okay. Soon, I'll be able to come live with you."

"By the way, you left your things over here."

"I know. I'll-"

Just then, my father came into my room. "Did you ask me if you could call someone?"

"No, sir," I said quickly.

"Then give me the d*mn phone!" He snatched it out of my hand and tossed it across the room, then he dragged me off of the bed and held me up. "I'm getting sick and tired of you not following the rules, Cody!"

"Dad, I'm-"

He shoved me backwards. I hit my nightstand, knocking off the lamp, which broke. He pushed me onto the ground, and I landed on a large piece of glass from the base of the lamp. It stabbed into the right side of my lower back.

"Ahhh!"

My father kicked me.

"Dad, wait a minute!" I cried. "There's glass stuck in my back!"

"Why should I wait for you? Huh? I've been busting my *ss to look everywhere for you! I'm done waiting for you, Cody!" He bent down and grabbed my shirt in his fists. "From now on, you do as I say. I know how much you wanna stay outta juvie. You understand what I'm saying?"

He's blackmailing me. He knows that I really don't want to go back to juvie hall. And that I love him and would never have called the cops on him.

When my father looks at me, it's like he's seeing through me. I feel like he reads me and knows everything that I've done today~everything that could get me into a lot of trouble with the police.

"Yes," I said."

"_Yes_ what?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good. So if I tell you to do something, you better f*cking do it. If I wanna f*ck you again, you better not resist this time. You are mine," he growled.

"Yes, sir."

He smirked, then pushed my head back, causing it to hit the floor. My father let me go and exited my room, slamming the door shut behind him.

I didn't move for a while. I sniffled, then started to cry.

But I had to be strong. I had to stop crying and giving Dad the satisfaction that he was breaking me down.

I sighed shakily, then wiped my eyes. I stood, then winced, yelling out a bit. I leaned my left side against the wall, taking deep breaths, preparing myself. With my right hand, I reached for the piece of glass that was stuck in my back, then started pulling. "Ahh!" I screamed through clenched teeth. I immediately let go and, again, started to cry. I looked at my hand, which was cut up and covered with blood.

I knew that I had to do this. I exhaled, then clenched my left fist while I put my right hand onto the piece of glass and pulled, yelling through clamped down teeth the whole time. When I got it out, I dropped it onto the floor.

The piece of glass was about two to two and a half inches. I don't know how much went into my back.

I grabbed one of my t-shirts off of the floor and held it against my lower back, putting pressure on the cut.

That's when I noticed the phone. I picked it up and realized that my father had never turned it off before he'd tossed it across my room. I put it to my ear.

"-ody? Are you there?" Mr. Hayes was crying. He was frantic.

I blinked my tears away, then pulled the phone away from my ear and hung up.


	14. Innocent Until Proven Guilty

I asked my father if I could stay out of school Thursday and Friday to let some of my scars heal. To my surprise, he agreed.

I couldn't let anyone see me like this. Honestly, I do sometimes use make-up to cover my bruises. But it won't hide these, especially since I can barely open one of my eyes.

But the main reason that I didn't want to go to school was because I didn't want to see Mr. Hayes…for the first time in my life. I think about what my father had said to me last night. "_If I wanna f*ck you again, you better not resist this time. You are mine._" Now my teacher knows that I was raped and that I could possibly get raped again.

* * *

><p>I was in the kitchen, cooking dinner. My dad wanted spaghetti, which happens to be one of my least favorite foods, and he knows it. But I really don't like anything of what little he got at the grocery store. I think that he did it on purpose.<p>

My dad was flipping through the channels on the TV, pausing it on the news.

"-shot and killed. The victim has been identified as Javious Parker."

Big Jay. I turned and started toward the living room, looking at the TV.

"Witnesses said they heard several gunshots, and they saw a boy of about sixteen or seventeen years fleeing the scene. Police do not have a positive identity on the suspect. Please, call the Los Angeles Police Department if you have any information on the case." The news reporter started talking about a car crash next.

My father turned his head and smirked knowingly. He reached for the cordless phone next to him.

"I didn't do it," I said. "Dad, you gotta believe me. Please."

He started dialing. 9...1...

I snatched the phone from him. He stood, towering over me threateningly.

My voice was small. "I didn't kill him, Dad. He's my friend."

"Give me the phone."

If I didn't give it to him willingly, he'd force it from me. So I handed it to him.

Tears started falling from my eyes. "Please, don't call the police, Dad."

He dialed three numbers, then pressed call. After a moment he said, "Hi. I have some information about the murder of Javious Parker."

* * *

><p>I sat on the couch and sobbed as my father told the police my name and address.<p>

"He's here right now. Yes, I'll make sure he doesn't leave until you get here." After another minute, he hung up and smiled with satisfaction.

I pulled my head out of my hands and looked up at him. "It wasn't me, Dad."

"Oh, yeah? Prove it to the judge."

I can't go to juvie. I just cannot go back there. I stood and made a break for the door, but my father caught me by my waist, causing a whimper to escape my lips. He shoved me back onto the chair.

"Please, Dad. You gotta let me go."

"I don't gotta do sh*t."

"I gotta get outta here. Please. Please. I'm begging you."

"You're not going anywhere until the cops get here."

"Dad…." Maybe I should tell him what happened. "I mean, we sold some fake coke to this guy, and he caught us. And he shot Big Jay. _He_ did it. I promise."

My father grinned from ear to ear. "Selling drugs, are we?"

That's when I realized that this was a set-up. He hadn't really called the cops. He just pretended to so he could get the real story from me. And now he got it. He knows something more that could put me behind bars for years.

"I…." I didn't know what to say.

"What? You needed the money?" He looked at me. "But for what?"

I said nothing.

"Were you trying to get away from me, Cody?"

"No. Of course not." I swallowed.

He suddenly smacked me with the back of his hand. My head turned with the force of the blow. I held my right cheek, then looked back up at him.

His eyes were filled with an anger that scared me. I don't think I've ever been so terrified in my life. I knew that I had to get away from him before….

I was too horrified to finish that thought. I've never seen him so mad before…except for that time that he strangled me~almost killing me~after I'd lied to him about going to Taylor's party.

I rushed up, making a run for the door. My father grabbed my waist again and pulled me toward him, causing another whimper to escape my lips.

"Let me go!" I struggled to get free, squirming wildly when he put his pocketknife to my throat. "Please!" I cried.

"You're a lying piece of sh*t, Denise!"

Denise. My mother. The woman who'd lied and cheated on him. The woman that he loathes. The woman that he abused. The woman that ran away. What didn't she take me with her?

Unfortunately, I look a lot like her and remind my father of her every time he looks at me. That's why he hates me.

"Dad!" I pleaded desperately. I said so much with this word. I said who I was: his son~not the woman that lied to him…left him. I showed him how scared I was. I told him how much I loved him…how much I hated him.

He pushed me away, realizing what he was doing. "Get out of here."

I took a step closer to him and gently asked, "Are you oka-"

"Get out of here!" he yelled, shoving me to the floor. "Go!"

I looked at him for a moment before following his orders.


	15. Night At Mr Hayes' House

Bruises. They covered me. When I get rid of one, I get four more.

I stood shirtless in front of the mirror, observing my beaten body. I can't really remember a time when I looked at myself and didn't have these marks. There were so many different colors: mixtures of blue, purple, black, brown, green, and yellow.

Suddenly, the door behind me opened. I whipped around to see Mr. Hayes. I folded my arms across my body, but they were covered in bruises also.

"How you doing?" he said.

"I'm fine." I quickly reached for my shirt and slipped it over my head, covering my body. It's hard to dress with a broken arm.

Mr. Hayes took a seat on the bed, allowing me to keep _some_ pride by not helping me dress. He motioned for me to sit next to him. "I need you to tell me what your dad knows about you that could send you to juvenile."

I chewed my bottom lip nervously and looked away. "I can't."

He gripped my chin and pulled my head so I'd look at him. "Cody, I'm not gonna judge you. Just trust me."

After a moment, I swallowed, then spoke. "Well…I'm in a gang. You know what gangs do."

"No. Tell me."

I hesitated as I played with a loose string on my pants. "I've done drugs~sold 'em. Stolen things~cars. Robbed places." I tried to say the next thing with no emotion, but my voice cracked. "Hurt people."

Mr. Hayes sighed.

"But I'm out. I quit the gang," I said before he had time to be disappointed.

Too late.

I knew he was thinking about my future~how many rights would be taken from me if I had a felony charge.

"Mr. Hayes? Are you mad at me?"

He stood and started to leave the room. "I've got to think about this, Cody."

* * *

><p>"Ahhh!" I opened my eyes and found myself on the floor of my bedroom at Mr. Hayes' house. I was sweaty and shaking. I'd had a nightmare about my dad raping me. I tried to calm my breathing as I wiped my forehead. I looked down at my body and noticed that I was completely naked.<p>

The door suddenly burst open and Mr. Hayes rushed inside. I grabbed the cover from the bed and put it over me.

"What happened? Are you alright?"

I broke down, tears streaming down my cheeks. "He raped me."

The man came toward me and took a seat, then pulled me into a hug. I sobbed onto his shoulder as he rocked me back and forth and spoke soothingly.

* * *

><p>I woke up and looked at the clock on the nightstand to find that it was one in the afternoon. I was thankful that Mr. Hayes didn't make me go to school. I was surprised that I'd been able to go back to sleep last night…and stay asleep this late. I usually rarely sleep with insomnia.<p>

I stood up and headed into the kitchen, where I found Mr. Hayes. Apparently, he didn't go to school either. He must have called in sick.

When he noticed me, he said, "Oh, you're up. How are you?"

"I'm fine." I took a seat at the bar.

"You looked so tired, so I just let you sleep. You hungry? The hot dogs are done."

"Not really."

"Yeah. Me neither." After a minute, he took a seat at the table with two plates in his hand, passing me one. "You should eat."

* * *

><p>I stood in the shower, letting the water slide down my body. I was nervous and uncomfortable.<p>

I turned and reached for the soap, and, when I straightened, I saw my father standing inside the doorway. I dropped the soap and blinked, but, when I looked back, he was gone.

I sighed, then stuck my head under the water and closed my eyes, rubbing my head with my shaky hands.

After this, I opened my eyes. I kept searching around, paranoid. I could feel someone watching me. I turned around and my father stood there in the shower with me, also naked. He stuck out his hand, wanting to touch me in an inappropriate place.

I stepped back, but slipped on the soap that I had dropped.

* * *

><p>I opened my eyes and found myself in bed. Mr. Hayes was sitting next to me. I instantly grabbed my head, where an aching pain throbbed.<p>

"What happened?" I asked.

"You fell in the shower and blacked out."

I remembered everything now. "My dad was in there. He tried to touch me."

"It's okay, Cody. You were just seeing things."

* * *

><p>Mr. Hayes and I sat on the couch, talking with each other.<p>

"Does Melissa know about your father?" he asked.

"No."

"So what do you tell her about the bruises?"

"She doesn't know."

"Then was your dad lying when he said that you were having sex with her?"

I swallowed and hesitated. This is awkward. "No. We don't take off our clothes when we do it."

"Do you use protection?"

"Usually."

"What do you mean, _usually_?"

"Well, sometimes I forget."

"How do you forget? Is that not the main reason you go over there?"

"I mean, it's just that I'm in such a hurry to get there. I just forget."

After a moment, Mr. Hayes said, "I really don't feel comfortable with you having sex with Melissa~protection or no protection."

"It doesn't matter. She broke up with me anyway."

"What happened?"

I didn't answer for almost a minute. "I cheated on her. With Taylor."

"Taylor Hagan?"

I nodded. "If I would've known that she was a virgin, I could've stopped myself. I don't know why I did it." I closed my eyes for a second. Uh, that was probably more information than what he wanted to know.

"What kind of drugs have you done?"

"Marijuana. Meth. Cocaine. 'Shrooms. Ecstasy. Inhalants like glue and other things I can find around the house. Whatever I can get my hands on, you know?"

"What about heroin?"

"I tried it once. But I didn't like how down it made me feel."

"You're not addicted to anything, are you?"

"No. But I have a tolerance to ambiens. I need them to sleep."

"How many?"

"Two, three…eight."

"Eight?"

"I-I need them to sleep," I repeated defensively.

"Cody, you gotta stop taking those."

"But I get so tired, and I can't sleep."

"Promise me that you'll stop taking them, Cody."

"But I don't want to stop taking them."

"If you don't stop, you'll eventually start taking so many that you'll overdose. I don't want that to happen to you, Cody."

I sighed. "Fine. I'll stop. I promise."

* * *

><p>There was an impatient knock at the door.<p>

Mr. Hayes stood, then answered it. He turned his head to me. "Cody?"

I got off of the couch and went to the door, where I was met by my father.

"Get in the truck."

"Bye, Mr. Hayes." I obeyed my dad.

He followed me through the trail of trees that isolated us from the rest of the neighborhood, heading toward his old, rusted pick-up truck. I got in the passenger's seat, Dad in the driver's seat. Something seemed wrong with him.

"Are you okay?"

There was no answer.

I licked my lips nervously. "You know I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to, Dad. I love you," I said. "I know you miss Mom, and-"

He suddenly shoved my face up against the window, not quite hard enough to break the glass. "Don't you ever mention her again. She's dead to us."

"I'm sorry," I said softly.


	16. Taken Hostage

Home. The last place that I wanted to be. But at least I got to stay with Mr. Hayes one night. I never thought my father would let me while he still had custody of me.

I was not at all in a hurry to get out of the truck. Because of this, Dad went around the front of the vehicle, then pulled my door open and grabbed my shirt, dragging me out. He impatiently led me inside, slamming the door behind him. He led me into my bedroom and shoved me onto my bed. I noticed that there were ropes tightly knotted around the bedposts.

Dad grabbed my arm and placed it over my head, then tied the ropes around my wrist, almost cutting off my circulation. I couldn't fight back, for my free arm was the broken one. He then did the same with that one, which made me cry out in pain.

"Dad, what are you doing?" I asked fearfully. "Let me go." My eyes followed him as he exited the room when he was done, closing the door behind him. "You can't just leave me here!"

* * *

><p>Dad burst into the room, then stumbled toward me.<p>

"Please, untie me," I begged. I'd been laying here for a couple of hours.

He just unbuttoned and unzipped my pants, then pulled them down. I rested my head on the pillow, closed my eyes, and swallowed. I knew what was coming next. I wasn't allowed to resist. He'd call the police on me.

I managed not to cry as he did me, but I broke down when he left.

* * *

><p>I hadn't slept at all that night. It'd been rather boring just laying there with nothing to do but stare at the ceiling.<p>

"Dad, let me go!" I called. My voice was scratchy from screaming for him. "I have to p*ss!"

* * *

><p>"Just let me go. No one has to know about this." I was trying to bargain with him. "People are gonna start to wonder where I am."<p>

But the truth is that no one will. At least, not until Monday. Today's Saturday.

"I really have to p*ss."

* * *

><p>I squirmed and wiggled. But I just couldn't hold it anymore. Tear's escaped my eyes and my nose flared as my pants became soaked with urine. I sniffled.<p>

* * *

><p>By Sunday, I was hungry and thirsty. My mouth was dry, and my stomach growled.<p>

After a while, my father entered the room.

I immediately started begging him. "Please, let me go. Please."

"You've been quiet," he said, ignoring my pleads. "Just came to check on you." Then he smiled. "You p*ssed in you pants?"

I was ashamed, embarrassed, humiliated. He knew it, and it gave him more satisfaction.

"Why are you doing this?" I was crying, my voice cracking.

He started to leave.

"I know that you hate Mom, but-"

Suddenly, he gripped my chin tightly. "I told you not to mention her again."

I whispered, "I'm sorry."

* * *

><p>On Monday, I lost all hope of being let go. He didn't come in here and untie me, then tell me to get ready for school. I was going to die here. I'm going to dehydrate.<p>

"Dad? I'm really thirsty," I called. But I don't think my voice was loud enough to reach him.

I've lost my voice. Now no one can hear me scream for help.

* * *

><p>On Tuesday, my father came into the room with the telephone. He had his hand over the bottom of it as he whispered, "It's your teacher. Don't say a word about this." He put the phone on speaker, then moved it next to my ear. He got out his pocketknife and put it to my throat.<p>

"Hello?"

"Hey, Cody. Are you okay? You haven't been to school in two days."

"Yeah. I'm just sick." This excuse worked since I was losing my voice.

"Are you lying? Is your dad around?"

My father pushed the knife into my throat more.

I gulped. "No."

After a minute, he said, "Are you sure you're okay? You're not talking much."

He's not buying it, and Dad's getting p*ssed.

"I'm just not feeling good. And I just woke up."

"I can stop by there with some medicine."

"No. It's okay. Dad got me some yesterday." After a minute, I said, "I'm really tired. I'm gonna let you go."

"Alright. Feel better."

"Bye."

* * *

><p>Dad had left, probably to get more cigarettes or beer. So I was alone.<p>

I was surprised when my door opened. I turned to see who it was. "Mr. Hayes?"

He hurried toward me. "Oh, Cody…. What happened to you?" He untied me, then pulled me into a hug, letting me sob onto his shoulder. "How long have you been tied up like this?"

"Since Friday. I'm really thirsty."

"I'll get you some water." He exited the room, then returned with a glass of water, handing it to me.

I drank it greedily. When I was done, I said, "He wants me dead. He wants me dead because I'm my mom's mistake."

"Cody, you're not a mistake. Why would you think that?"

"He told me."

He wiped away my tear with his thumb. That's when we heard a car pulling into the driveway.

"Please, take me with you. Please."

"I can't. He'll just come back and get you." He gently pushed me onto my back, then began to tie the rope around my wrist.

"What are you doing? You can't do this to me!"

He tied the other one, then stood and started toward my window.

"Mr. Hayes, please. Please! You can't leave me here to die!"

"I'll be back for you. Okay? I'll be back. I promise." He began climbing out the window.

"Please, don't leave me," I cried.

"I love you, Cody," he said with his own tears of frustration escaping his eyes. He disappeared outside.

After a minute, Dad came into the room. "What are you whining about?"

I looked at him. "Let me go. Please. I'll do anything."

He turned to leave, not in the mood to hear me cry, but stopped dead in his tracks, then went toward the window. Mr. Hayes had accidentally left it open.

My father noticed how loose the ropes were. "You tried to escape."

"No."

"You're trying to leave me!"

"No. I swear."

He saw the empty glass on the nightstand next to me, picked it up, then tossed it right above my head. It hit the wall and shattered, causing me to wince.

He pulled out his pocketknife and put it to my throat.

"No. No. No, Dad! Please!" I screamed. "Ahhhhh! Help! Help me!"

"Ain't no one gonna hear you, Cody."

"But, Dad, I love you."

"That's what your mother said, too. But then she left me."

"I'll never leave you, Dad. We~we can reverse the adoption. I'll stay with you."

"I don't want you here." But he couldn't stand to have me away from him either.

"Please. We could figure something out."

"Figure something out, my *ss," he said, sticking the metal into my neck.

"Dad, please…."

In one quick motion, the silver blade sliced across my neck.

* * *

><p>"Ahhhhh! Ahhhhhhhh!" I opened my eyes and found myself in bed.<p>

Dad walked into the room, then leaned over me and untied the ropes. "Get your *ss to school."

It was just a dream. Just a dream.


	17. Wish My Grades Smoked Weed To Get Higher

I walked toward the lunch table where a group of my friends sat. Last time, they hadn't let me sit with them. Maybe they will this time.

"Hey, guys. You mind if I sit here?" I asked.

Melissa scooted down, allowing me to take a seat. However, Eric stood and left the table with his tray in his hand.

* * *

><p>My head was resting on my folded arms, which were laying on my desk. I yawned.<p>

"Cody?"

I looked up to see Mr. Hayes standing in front of me.

"Pay attention."

"Sorry."

"Come talk to me after class."

* * *

><p>I walked up to my teacher's desk.<p>

He didn't begin talking until the classroom was empty of students. "Are you still taking the ambiens?"

I shook my head.

"Have you slept at all?"

"Not really."

"Are you doing okay? Feeling better?"

"Yeah. I'm fine."

"Do you want me to give you a ride?"

"No. Dad will get mad."

"Right. Okay, well, I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Bye." I exited the classroom and started down the hall, turning when I felt like I was being followed.

A group of football players stood behind me with a smile.

It's Wednesday: the day that their suspension ends. How could I have forgotten?

"Hey, Cody," Desmond said in a threatening voice.

I turned to run, but was grabbed and thrown up against the lockers. The guys crowded around me. I swallowed. I was trapped. Again, I tried to escape~attempted to slip between some~but was caught and shoved to the floor. One guy was preparing to hit me when I heard a voice.

"Boys, get to your buses."

I looked up to see Mr. Hayes, then turned back to the football players and watched them vanish down the hall.

"Are you okay, Cody?" the teacher helped me to my feet.

"Yeah. Thanks."

He walked me to the bus lane, protecting me with his watch. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye," I went toward the bus. I could feel Mr. Hayes' eyes on me, for he was ready to pounce on whoever messed with me. I was at the back of the bus, going toward the door.

Paper balls and water bottles were being thrown at me. I looked up to see Desmond and Drake. I thought about taking Mr. Hayes up on his offer, but decided better of it. I went up the few steps, then started down the isle. I fell onto the floor when I was tripped, but shrugged it off and stood. I could feel Mr. Hayes watching me as I made my way to the back of the bus. I sat down in the last seat, then looked out the window, giving Mr. Hayes a reassuring smile. He waved, so I waved back, then closed my eyes with a sigh as Desmond plopped down next to me, Drake in tow, sitting in the sit in front of me.

* * *

><p>I made my father two hot dogs just like he likes them: gross. They had mustard, relish, and onions on it. See, me~I just stick with ketchup or chili. I carried the plate into the living room, then handed it to my father. "Hey, Dad?"<p>

"What?"

"Can I get a ride with Mr. Hayes tomorrow instead of riding the bus?"

"Is he gonna bring you straight home?"

"Well, you see-"

"No."

"But, Dad, he said he'd tutor me. I'm not going to his house or anything."

"That's right. Because I said _no_."

I sighed, then handed him my report card.

He looked it over. "What the h*ll is this, Cody?" My father stood. "You got five _F_'s?" He punched me, knocking me onto the ground. "What the f*ck's wrong with you?"

"I'm just-"

"F*cking around? Yeah, well, you better straighten your *ss up, Cody!"

Honestly, it's been really hard to learn lately. I don't know what the problem is. Maybe stress? But I feel like I have to work three times as hard as any other kid just to get a passing grade. I'm having a lot of trouble concentrating and really understanding what I learn. And I feel so stupid because I don't get the simplest things. I don't like telling my father what my grades are, because he just belittles me.

"Go to your room! And you better be back before dinner tomorrow!"

* * *

><p>"Are you busy this afternoon?" I asked my teacher.<p>

"No. What's up?"

"I was just wondering if you could tutor me."

"Of course. I'd love to."

"Thanks." I took a seat in the back of the room as the class filled up with teenagers.

* * *

><p>"Thanks for tutoring me," I said as Mr. Hayes turned down the radio in the car.<p>

"You're welcome. I hope it helped."

"Oh, it did. A lot."

"That's good." Mr. Hayes paused, having something on his mind. "I was wondering when you'd bring this up. But you never did, so I guess I will. I saw on the news about your friend being killed."

I looked at my lap, playing with a string on my pants.

"What happened that day that you ran away?"

My voice was quiet and husky as I gazed out the window. "You think I killed him?"

"Absolutely not."

I knew that Mr. Hayes loved me so much that, if I were to murder someone, he'd be right there with me, helping me bury the body.

I turned to look into his eyes. "Well, I did kill him. It's my fault he's dead."

He waited quietly for me to continue as he pulled into the driveway.

"I was trying to get some money for a train ticket. I went to Moe's house. He gave me some cocaine to sale. So I went to Big Jay's house to tell him that I was leaving the gang, and he tagged along to sell the coke. We met the guy at some abandoned building and got the money. But the guy taste-tested the coke and found that it was fake. So he started shooting. And Big Jay…." I looked down at my lap. "He pushed me out of the way to save me. And he died." I started to get angry, speaking with clenched teeth as tears filled my eyes. "All because of my sh*t." After I calmed my nerves, I apologized for cursing.

Mr. Hayes put his hand on my shoulder. "It's not your fault, Cody."

"Yes, it is! Don't you see? If I wouldn't have tried to run away from everything, none of it would have happened! The only guy that knew every single thing about me is gone! And it's all my fault!"

The man pulled me closer to him as the tears finally escaped. He rubbed my back.

"What am I supposed to do now?" I sobbed.

"I don't know, Cody. But you know that I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to. Just call me any time you need me."

I wiped my eyes and sniffled, pulling away from him with my head hung. "Thanks." I sat back in my seat, trying to get my eyes as dry as possible with my shirt sleeve. "I'll see you later."

"Bye."

I opened the door, closing it behind me. I walked toward the house with a slow pace. I went up the steps sluggishly, then stepped inside of the house.

My dad was walking past, having just gotten a beer from the refrigerator. "What's wrong, Cody? Were you and your teacher talking about me?" he asked mockingly, seeing that I was crying.

I went to my room and closed the door, letting my book bag fall off of my shoulder and onto the floor.


	18. Officially Welcoming Back The Bully

"Hey, Dad?"

"What, Cody?"

"Can I go with Mr. Hayes tomorrow night to the cemetery?"

"Be back before ten."

* * *

><p>I walked down the hallway with my books in my hand. Today seemed to be a long day, but that's okay, because I didn't want to go home.<p>

My books were shoved out of my hand by Jason. He and Randy continued running wildly down the hall, hyping everyone up for the football game that was tonight. I got onto my knees, picking up my things tiredly. Suddenly, another form appeared in front of me, helping me. I looked up to see Eric. He handed me a book, then we both stood up.

"Thanks," I said.

"No problem."

I looked around the crowded hallway before saying, "Can we talk?"

* * *

><p>Eric and I were in the boys' bathroom. I had one foot against the wall as I leaned against the hard surface, my head hung. I rocked back and forth ever so slightly. Eric was standing across from me at the sinks.<p>

"Look," I began. "I apologize-"

"Don't."

I looked up at him.

"It's fine. I shouldn't have blackmailed you. Friends?"

I was surprised, but, of course, I agreed.

* * *

><p>The football game was over. I hadn't really wanted to go, but it's better than being at home. Dad said that I could come.<p>

I was waiting for Nathan to give me a ride. He was currently in the locker room. He told me that I could wait in there, but I decided that that was a potentially dangerous place to be. So I just stood on the track, which circled around the football field.

I fell onto the ground when I was shoved from behind. I turned to see two football players towering over me. I pushed myself to my feet. Tim shoved me again. My back hit the gate, so I was trapped.

"We heard about your adoption," Nick said in a challenging voice. "What's wrong, Cody? You're dad doesn't love you anymore? Are you sure he ever did?"

My first mistake was that I charged at Nick. Somehow, he managed to grab my arms and spin me around.

"Take your best shot," he told his friend.

I tried to get away, pulling and wiggling. Nothing worked.

Tim wound his foot back, then kicked me as hard as he could in the gut. I let out a cry as I hunched over as far as Nick would allow. After a moment, he let me go. I hit the ground, falling onto my knees and forehead as I clutched my lower stomach. Tim grabbed the back of my shirt collar, pulling my head up. Nick kneed my face, causing my head to fly backwards. I landed on my back. One of them stomped their foot down onto my stomach. My body jumped and I turned onto my side in a fetal position as I held my torso. I coughed. Tim kicked my back. I rolled onto my stomach, then reached my arm out, attempting to crawl away. The two kicked me, one on each side. My torso lifted off of the ground with each blow. There was no way that I could escape. After what felt like forever, they flipped me onto my back and punched me a few times. When that was done, I managed to scoot backwards with my elbows until my back was against the fence. I was breathing heavily as I looked up at the two. My swollen eyes were watery as I kept the tears inside.

Nick bent down next to me. "That's what you get for coming at us." He patted my cheek twice, then shoved my head hard.

I landed on my side, blood and saliva trickling from my lips, making a puddle under my head. My second mistake was that I told Nick to go f*ck himself. Anger raged through him as he grabbed my shirt collar and pulled me to my feet, shoving me against the gate.

"What did you just say to me?"

"You heard me." I spat in his face.

He chuckled furiously, then kneed my lower stomach repeatedly~at least five times. "You wanna say it again? Huh?"

My third mistake was that I repeated myself.

He kneed me several more times, earning a cry from me. I couldn't stop the tears from falling.

"Are you crying?"

It was the first time that I'd cried in front of them~not including the cafeteria incident. It gave them satisfaction. So he continued to knee my lower stomach to see how far he could push me.

"Please…. I'm sorry."

"What? Now you're apologizing? You think that's gonna work?" He yanked my shirt collar and pulled me past him.

My body hit the concrete with a smack. I curled up, clutching my lower stomach as they kicked my back.

Suddenly, Nathan ran over toward us and shoved Nick, causing him to trip and fall over me.

"What the h*ll is your problem, McHugh?" He stood and came at Nathan with a punch, which knocked him onto the ground.

"Hey! Hey!" Mr. Hayes ran toward us, helping me to my feet. "Principal's office. Now."

* * *

><p>"Thanks for the ride, Nathan."<p>

"You're welcome."

I got out of the car slowly, wincing, then walked across the yard and into the house. I was met at the door with a punch, which knocked me onto the ground.

"What did I tell you about fighting?" Dad yelled.

"They started it," I said defensively.

"I don't give a sh*t who started it!" He kicked me.

"Dad, please. I'm really hurting."

"Good! You deserve it!" He pulled me up to my feet, then tossed me toward the kitchen table.

I rolled over it, causing it to flip over on top of me. I groaned. He picked me up again, walking with me. I was backwards, and he was going fast, so I almost fell over my feet. We were in the living room now. I ran into the arm of the couch, which made me land on my back onto it. Dad got on top of me with several punches. I screamed, but nothing could get him to leave me alone. Except for the doorbell ringing.

He got off of me, knowing that it was Mr. Hayes coming to pick me up to go to the cemetery. "Get out of here."

I stood with great pain, going as quick as I could into the kitchen. I opened the door, then practically ran to the car.

Mr. Hayes soon joined me. "Cody, what's wrong? What happened?"

I was crying. "Why did you call my dad?"

"I didn't. I guess the principal did." He watched me, anger filling his body. He put the car in drive. "We're going to the police station."

"No. No, please. I'm fine. I'm okay."

"No, you're not, Cody." He backed out of the driveway, then started down the road.

"Mr. Hayes, please. It doesn't even hurt anymore. Please."

"Buckle up."

I did, then grabbed his hand desperately. "Please. Please, just take me back home."

"No."

I closed my eyes, gathering my courage. "I could go to jail for life! I killed someone!"

Mr. Hayes slammed on the brakes. "What?"

I flinched at his monstrous tone. My voice was small, for he'd never lost his temper with me before. "I killed someone." I looked up at him. "I'm sorry."

"What were you thinking?"

"I just wanted to be in the gang. It was two years ago."

"I can't believe you, Cody. I thought I knew you."

"You do. You know me."

He said nothing more. He continued down the street.

* * *

><p>I got out of the car slowly, then walked toward Big Jay's grave. When I stood in front of it, I dropped onto my knees, too weak to stand. "Hey," I said quietly after a few minutes. "I'm sorry for not protecting you." I paused. "You should have let him shoot me," I said angrily before standing up and heading back to the car. I got inside, then buckled up as Mr. Hayes started the car and drove away. After a moment, I spoke quietly. "Mr. Hayes?"<p>

"What?"

Hesitantly, I asked, "Are you mad at me?"

"I don't know, Cody."

I looked down at my lap. "Are you gonna turn me in?"

He seemed to take a while to answer the question. "No. No, I'm not."

"Thanks."


	19. Resurrection

I was at Mr. Hayes' house for tutoring just like I did every other Saturday. Guilt was eating at me. I'd never thought twice about the man that I'd killed. I'd thought I was a bad*ss. I was even proud of what I'd done. But now the thought just disgusts me. How could I have done such an evil act?

"Cody?" Mr. Hayes said.

"Huh? Yeah?"

"Are you paying attention?"

"Yeah."

He knew that I was lying. "Cody, you have to pay attention so you can get back on track. You have a great future ahead-"

I jumped up. "I don't have a future, Mr. Hayes! You're so focused on it that you forgot what I am! I'm a criminal!" My voice was barely audible as I repeated, "I'm a criminal."

The man stood up, then pulled me into a hug.

I sobbed onto his shoulder for a while, then lifted my head to look into his eyes. "Why haven't you called the cops on me yet?"

Mr. Hayes held my face in his hands, wiping away tears with his thumb. "Because I love you. And I'm gonna protect you."

"I don't deserve it." I sniffled. "What if he had kids? They could grow up to be just as f*cked up as I am. I'm responsible for ruining their lives. I'm gonna burn in hell forever."

"Cody, look at me. You're not going to hell. You just gotta ask for forgiveness."

"Why would He forgive me? I'm such a rotten person. I haven't done anything for Him."

"It's never too late to start."

* * *

><p>I was on my knees, leaning on the side of my bed with my eyes closed and my hands clasped together. "God…if You're listening…please, forgive me for what I've done. I'm really sorry. And it won't happen again. I promise. Amen."<p>

* * *

><p>Mr. Hayes took me to church Sunday. It was a small community church. But the people here were nice and welcoming. We sat in the pews, listening intently as the preacher spoke from the stage.<p>

"We all have our story. I could sit down with every one of us in here individually, and you could tell me your story. You know, we all will wind up in different places, and we~most of us~all began at a different place. But we all have a story. A story…a journey. You could put some different labels on it, but we all have a journey. We all have a story to tell. What we do with that story~sort of your epitaph~what will it say? You know, born in nineteen-whatever, and then a dash, and then death at this date." The preacher paused. "What does that dash represent in your life?"

* * *

><p>Mr. Hayes gave me a Bible. I take it to school and read it when I can. I started praying before I eat. Some people at school actually make fun of me for it. But I don't care.<p>

Have you ever walked down the halls at school~or just anywhere, for that matter~and wondered how many people that you pass are going to spend eternity in hell unless you do something about it?

Speaking of people going to hell, it sickens me that a majority of Americans and _cheering_ about the death of Osama Bin Laden. Yeah, maybe he wasn't the nicest guy. But this man went to hell! And he will burn there for eternity! How can someone be so cruel and enjoy that? Luke 6:27-28 says, "But to you who are listening I say: love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you."

You know what frustrates me? Have you ever heard those teenagers say that their cell phone is their life or that their boyfriend or girlfriend is their life? What about God?

You know that Bible verse? "But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." It was hard, but I forgave my dad for what he does to me, the football players for hurting me, my mom for leaving me.

You know what else has crossed my mind lately? Parents lie to their kids and tell them that Santa and the tooth fairy are real. But, when the kids learn that they aren't real, won't they grow up to question the existence of God?

I've been called several names in my years of having been around so many cruel people. But there's one name that I've never been called: Jesus freak. And that just breaks my heart.


	20. Shoot

Mr. Hayes and I were at his house. Our plates that had once been filled with lasagna were empty on the table. We'd just finished watching _Rush Hour_. Chris Tucker is extremely hilarious. He's an amazing actor. This was the only movie that I've seen with him in it, for I don't watch TV much, but whatever. He did a good job in this one, so I'm sure the rest of his movies are great.

Mr. Hayes grabbed our dishes and carried them into the kitchen, placing them into the sink.

I followed. "So have you heard from the adoption agency yet?"

"Nope. They should've called by now." After a moment, he turned to me. "Why? Did something else happen at your father's house?"

"No. I'm just ready to get out of there."

"Yeah. I know," he said. "I'll give them a call later." He set the dishes in the sink and rinsed them out while I took a seat on the other side of the bar. "So how do you deal with it?"

"With what?"

"Everything. Your dad. Bullies. I mean, it's like you never get a break. How do you cope with it?"

"I don't know. I try not to let things get to me."

Mr. Hayes nodded. "Well, if you ever need anyone to talk to, you know that I'm here. It's not good to keep those feelings bottled up inside."

"Yeah. I know."

We were quiet for a long time before I spoke again.

"Mr. Hayes?"

"Yeah?"

I paused, putting my thoughts together. "I just wanted to say _thanks_. If it weren't for you, I'd be stuck with my dad until I could move out. And now I actually want to do better in school to make you proud." I looked into his eyes. "And I love you."

He smiled. "I love you, too, Cody."

* * *

><p>Melissa and I were walking down the hallway together at school.<p>

"So when do you wanna get together to work on the project?" she asked.

"Uh, tomorrow good for you?"

"Sure. But my mom's hosting a business party at my house."

"Um…. We could go to Mr. Hayes' house."

I'm sure that she was wondering why I didn't volunteer my house. Melissa has never been to my house before. I'd always either go to her house or meet her somewhere. I didn't want her to be around my dad.

"Okay." She tried to start a conversation. "So what's been going on with you?"

"Nothing much. Just waiting for this adoption to be final. What about you?"

"I entered some of my drawings in a contest."

"That's awesome. When do they tell you that you won?"

She smiled at my certainty that she would win. "In a week."

"Cool."

"Hey, CJ!" someone called from behind me.

I froze. I knew that voice. I knew it all too well. Shivers crept up my spine, and my eyes became fearful, but only for a moment. I turned slowly and saw Moe and a couple other gang members across the crowd of students in the hallway. His hand seemed to move in slow motion as he reached into his jacket and pulled out a gun.

I immediately started running. Moe pulled the trigger, but missed. Students ducked down and scrambled to exit the building. Everyone was hurrying in the same direction: to the opposite of the shooter. They trampled over one another, shoving each other to the floor as more shots were fired.

I looked ahead of me and saw more members of the gang. They'd split up, trying to trap me. I looked around quickly, then turned and pushed open a door, going into the bathroom. I looked around desperately, but there was no other way out. I could hear faint screaming and the tapping of shoes as they hit the ground. I quickly ran into a stall. I was so scared that my hands were shaking as I locked the door, then stood on the toilet.

The door soon opened, the screaming getting louder until it closed again.

"I know you're in here, CJ." It was Moe.

I put both of my trembling hands over my mouth, trying not to let out a cry. My breathing was quick and shaky.

"Come out, come out wherever you are," Elvis said.

I closed my eyes, trying to keep the tears at bay. Suddenly, someone rammed the stall door. I jumped, letting a whimper escape my lips. I scooted back as far as I could. They rammed the door a few more times, causing the lock to break and the door to swing open.

"Hey, CJ," Moe said threateningly with a smirk.

Elvis grabbed my ankles and yanked, causing me to hit my head on the toilet as he dragged me half-way out of the stall. He and Moe flipped me over and pulled me up so I was on my knees. They shoved my head into the toilet. But they didn't flush it. This wasn't some high school bully move. They were trying to drown me. I put my hands onto the seat and tried to push with all of my strength, but I couldn't get away. That and my nervousness caused me to lose air faster. After almost a minute, I couldn't hold my breath anymore, so I breathed in. Water filled my lungs. I started coughing. Tears escaped my eyes.

When you think about it, this is a really embarrassing death: being drowned in a toilet. Why couldn't they just shoot me?

When the door opened and someone walked in, they pulled my head out of the toilet. I lay on the floor, coughing and shaking. Snot dripped from my nose as tears bled from my eyes. I was too weak to move. I looked at the laughing men that towered over me. One-by-one, they were pulled backwards so a new person could stand in the front: Mr. Hayes.

He rushed toward me, then lifted my back so I was in a sitting position. I pulled him into a hug and sobbed onto his shoulder. Mr. Hayes squeezed me back just as tightly, his hand on the back of my neck. But he knew that we couldn't stay like this for long, so he helped me to my feet.

"Not so fast, CJ," Elvis said.

"Why are you guys doing this?" I asked desperately.

"Because you killed Big Jay," Moe said.

"But I didn't!"

Moe pulled me away from my teacher, then shoved me into the corner furthest from the door. Five of them started beating me while the other two held Mr. Hayes back. I was hurting so much that I couldn't stop the screams and curses that left my lips. I could faintly hear my teacher yelling at them to stop. But they just kept going. I felt like I was going to black out.

Somehow, Mr. Hayes managed to get away from one of the men that was holding him back, then punch the other one until he was free. He pulled Moe away from me. The others stopped kicking and punching me when Moe pulled out his gun and shot Mr. Hayes.

My eyes went wide in horror. I got up as quick as I could, baring through the pain, and scooted over to the man, who had a bullet in his chest. I touched his arm with a shaky hand. "No. Please, don't die. Please, don't die on me, Mr. Hayes." I was sobbing.

The man moved his eyes so he looked at me. "Cody?" His voice was barely audible.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Come here."

I leaned my head down more so he could whisper into my ear. The last word Mr. Hayes said to me was _go_. And that's exactly what I did.

I sniffled, then stood and ran for the door. I ran down the hall as fast as I could. But it wasn't fast enough, for the others were right behind me. I felt a great pain in my leg and fell onto the floor. I forced myself to my feet with a yell, then did a sort of limp-run. But that didn't last long, for I was shot again in the upper right side of my back. I hit the floor.

Moe was right above me now, pointing the gun at my head. Elvis flipped me onto my back.

I swallowed, then squeezed my eyes shut and did the only thing I could think of to do. I prayed.

"Sweet dreams, CJ." Moe put his finger on the trigger.

Suddenly, a shot was fired.


	21. What I've Caused

I was laying on a gurney, being carried to an ambulance. I looked around me. Several students and teachers were standing around and crying. There were a few injured people: those who had accidentally been shot and those who had jumped out of a second-floor window to avoid meeting the shooters. I knew that I caused all of this.

I'd thought that I was going to die. Thankfully, the police came in time. An officer shot and killed Moe. The others were arrested.

I was lifted into an ambulance and quickly taken to a hospital.

* * *

><p>The doctors told me that I was free to go today. Of course my dad wasn't going to pick me up, so Nathan offered to drive me home. We were in his car, riding down the street.<p>

"Thanks for the ride," I said.

"No problem."

"How's everything been at school?"

"Things are finally getting back to normal."

"That's good. I hope they will give everyone some extra time to do their work because me and Mel's project is due tomorrow. I guess I should call her."

"Uh, I don't think she'll answer."

"Why's that?" I asked.

"Well, uh…." Nathan was quiet for a long time. "She's dead."


	22. Rest In Peace

The abuse at home had gotten worse now that my dad was sure that he wouldn't get in trouble. He'd known that I wouldn't have turn him in, but he'd never trusted Mr. Hayes. The bullies are back to torturing me as much as possible.

Ever since the day of the shooting, I've been greatly depressed. I mean, four people dead in only a few weeks: Big Jay, Moe, Melissa, Mr. Hayes. My life has gone to sh*t now that I can't get away from my dad. I have no one that I can talk to. Sure, there's Nathan and the others, but they don't really know me. And I don't want them to because I don't want them to get hurt like the others had. I don't know how much longer I can live with my dad.

Mr. Hayes…. My only chance at a new life was shot to h*ll when he was murdered.

Elvis and the other gang members had been arrested. To get a lighter prison sentence, Elvis had agreed to help the police with the investigation of Big Jay's murder. He told them that it was me.

On Thursday, May 12, 2011 at 2:15 p.m., I, Cody Jackson, was arrested for the murder of Javious Parker. I was tried as an adult and sentence to fifteen years in San Quentin State Prison. I lost all of my friends, and my father never visited me.

All I did everyday was think about how it was my fault that my friends and my supposed-to-be future Dad were dead. These thoughts ate at me everyday.

I'd used a match to melt the end of a toothbrush until it was soft. I'd taken the blade out of a razor, then slid the blade into the end of the toothbrush at a forty-five degree angle. After I let it harden and cool, I had a perfect device to slit a jugular vein.

On Monday, May 23, 2011 at 11:58 p.m., I used the weapon that I had made to slit my wrists as deep and as many times as possible until I was too weak to move.

On Tuesday, May 24, 2011 at 12:01 a.m., I committed suicide and died in my cell.


End file.
